Turning the Way it is Upside Down

Imagine…  the call from the doctor that no one wants.  

A serious illness. 

The diagnosis is not promising.

Yesterday, we explored the Drama Triangle and the victim mindset. When we play the victim, life happens to us. We feel powerless, overwhelmed or hopeless. Perhaps we lash out or seek to numb ourselves. The victim mindset reinforces the belief that we are not responsible for what is going on in our lives.

The good news is we have another choice, writes David Emerald in The Power of TED.

We can choose to be a creator. We can envision a better outcome and work each day towards that goal. In our hypothetical situation above, perhaps we start an exercise program, take our prescribed medications, and seek out complementary treatment methods.

David argues that circumstance, in this case a difficult diagnosis, does not define who we are.  

Our choice of how we respond defines us.  

What is sad or even tragic is that many people never realize they have a choice.

TED stands for The Empowerment Dynamic and it is the antidote for the Dreaded Drama Triangle. Its power lies in our ability to turn our assumptions about “the way it is” upside down.

In the TED framework, there are three roles which replace the three Drama Triangle roles.   

The creator replaces the victim role. When we adopt the creator mindset we tap into our personal power to choose how to respond. We become goal and result-oriented, focused on desired outcomes. We work consciously and deliberately to deal with the current reality while moving toward the life we intend to create.

Creators transform their perspective about obstacles – with people, conditions, or circumstances – into challenges to be met and overcome.

The challenger replaces the persecutor role. Creators welcome challengers. Obstacles call forth a creator’s will to create, often sparking their desire to learn new skills, make difficult decisions, and do whatever is necessary to achieve the desired outcome. Challengers may be a situation or a person.  

The third role is the coach that replaces the rescuer. The coach supports, assists, and facilitates the creator in clarifying and achieving their desired outcome. He or she helps the creator see new possibilities and holds us accountable to take action and move forward. 

But the coach does not “own” the issue.  The creator does.

How do we move from the Drama Triangle to the Empowerment Dynamic?

We ask: What is the desired outcome?  

Why is this question so powerful?

Because when we put forth a vision, we create a gap between where we are today and where we want to be. This “creative tension” propels us to close that gap.  

When we act as a creator and not as a victim, we create a higher quality of life, full of purpose, power, and compassion.

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Reflection:  Which role in the Drama Triangle do I play the most?

Action:  At some point today, intentionally choose to take the corresponding role in The Empowerment Dynamic.

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  1. Geez, I was just thinking about my life today and all the new opportunities that lie ahead. As I remulched my front yard garden I realized how precious life can be if we embrace life with our entire body, soul and spirit. I asked myself as I looked at all the work I had completed for the day and I thought: Why do I have so much wonderful luck with plants? Then, I cleaned up, went inside, showered and went about my evening. After dinner, once again I read your blog Drew. And there was the answer to my question I had just asked myself while planting, mulching and gardening my front yard today. I am the creator of my garden. “When we act as a creator and not as a victim, we create a higher quality of life, full of purpose, power, and compassion.” After losing my job I had a choice, be a victim or be a creator. I choose to be a creator because it is the road to my new career. I think even gardening is a great antidote to stay positive, active and present. That’s why my love for plants is so prevalent in my life. I loved this message, and totally dig The Empowerment Dynamic. It’s like building a new beginning and realizing productive actions create positive outcomes. It’s a mindset!!! Thanks so much for the blog and the beautiful pic of the tree. Right up my allie!!

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