1: The year was 1946.
John Marsden and Leo DeMarco were both at major crossroads in their lives,” Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz write in their book The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
Both men had volunteered to serve in the military during World War II. John served stateside, while the Navy assigned Leo to duty in the South Pacific.
Both John and Leo graduated from Harvard and were participants in The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest in-depth longitudinal study of human life ever done.
Both were raised in affluent families. As Harvard graduates, we might assume that both men should have been poster children for “The Good Life in America,” Bob and Marc note.
“Here we see an example of common sense leading us astray,” the authors observe. “Many of us naturally assume that the material conditions of people’s lives determine their happiness. We assume that people who are less advantaged must be less happy and that people who are more advantaged must be happier. Science tells a more complicated story. . .
“Individual lives like John’s and Leo’s offer a look at what really matters.”
2: John had a choice to make. He could return to Cleveland to take over his father’s dry goods franchise. Or, he could pursue his lifelong dream of attending law school.
He chose to attend the University of Chicago Law School. Always a good student, John graduated near the top of his class. “According to John himself, his success was due more to hard work than any special intelligence,” the authors relate. “He told the Study that his main motivation was a fear of failure, and he even intentionally avoided dating so as not to be distracted.”
John accepted a job with a law firm “that encouraged the kind of public service work he hoped to do,” they write. “He began consulting for the federal government about the administration of public services and also taught classes at the University of Chicago. His father, though disappointed that John had left the family business, was also very proud.
“John was on his way. . . Looking only at the trappings of his life, many people would think that John was destined for happiness,” Bob and Marc observe.
Leo’s dream was to become a writer and journalist. “He studied history at Harvard,” the authors write, “and during the war kept meticulous diaries, thinking that he might use them for a book someday. His experiences in the war convinced him that he was on the right path—he wanted to write about how history affects the lives of ordinary people.”
But his father had died while he was in the service. And soon after arriving home after the war, Leo learned that his mother had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.
“As the oldest of three children, he decided to move back to Burlington, Vermont, to care for and be near her, and soon found himself teaching high school,” they note.
Around that time, Leo met Grace. They fell deeply in love and decided to get married. Less than a year later, their first child was born.
“After that, the outlines of his life were mostly set,” the authors write. Leo “continued teaching high school for the next forty years and never pursued his dream of becoming a writer.”
3: Fast forward to February 1975. “Both men are 55,” Bob and Marc write. “John got married at 34 and is now a successful lawyer, making $52,000 per year. Leo is still a high school teacher, making $18,000 per year.”
Imagine the day the Harvard Study questionnaire arrives in the mail.
Perhaps John Marsden is sitting at his desk reviewing a law brief. Leo DeMarco could be in his classroom at Burlington High School with freshmen buzzing about.
“The two men answer questions about their health, their recent family history, and eventually each of them comes to a set of 180 True/False questions.
“Among them is this one: True or False: Life has more pain than pleasure.
“To which John (the lawyer) writes: True.
“And Leo (the teacher) writes: False.
“And this one: True or False: I often feel starved for affection.
“To this, John responds: True.
“And Leo responds: False.”
They continue filling out their answer to questions about their alcohol use (both have one drink every day), their sleep habits, their political ideas, their religious practices (both attend church every Sunday).
Then, they come to this question:
“Complete the following sentences any way you wish: A man feels good when…
“John: … he is able to respond to inner drives.
“Leo: … he senses that his family loves him despite everything.”
John Marsden had succeeded in his career; professionally, he was one of the more successful members of the study.
He was also one of the least happy. “He loved his family,” Bob and Marc note, “but he consistently reported feelings of disconnection and sadness throughout his life. He struggled in his first marriage and alienated his children.
“When John remarried at the age of 62, he quickly began to refer to that new relationship as ‘loveless,’ though it would last to the end of his life.”
What’s going on here? The authors write: “While John tried hard to make himself happy, he was preoccupied at every stage of his life with himself, and what he referred to as his ‘inner drives.’ He began his career hoping to make life better for others, but over time, associated his achievements less with helping people and more with professional success.
“Convinced that his career and accomplishments would bring him happiness,” they write, “he was never able to find a path to joy.”
Leo DeMarco’s approach to life was altogether different: He “thought of himself primarily in relation to others—his family, his school, and his friends appear often in his reports to the study—and he is generally considered to be one of the study’s happiest men. . .
“By his own accounting of things, Leo lived a rich and satisfying life. He wouldn’t show up on the evening news, and his name was not known beyond his local community, but he had four daughters and a wife who adored him, was remembered fondly by friends, colleagues, and students, and throughout his life rated himself as ‘very happy’ or ‘extremely happy’ on study questionnaires.
“Unlike John,” the authors observe, “Leo found his work meaningful specifically because he took pleasure in the benefit that other people derived from his teaching.”
No post tomorrow. So, more the day after Christmas!
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Reflection: Am I surprised by the findings of the Harvard study? How might I apply the key lesson around the importance of relationships?
Action: Discuss with a family member or friend.