1: “What’s that?” Gabby asked.
She pointed to a small metal box that dangled from a hospital bed’s grab bar.
Jacob, who was in his early forties, had been confined to a hospital bed because of an aggressive brain tumor called a glioblastoma.
“He had been a very active man, a cyclist who loved the outdoors and lived an adventurous life, but this ‘glio’ robbed his body of the freedom to move,” Diane Button writes in her wonderful book What Matters Most: Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living.
“That’s my joy counter,” Jacob said.
Gabby looked at the box more closely. “What’s a joy counter?”
“You know how when you go to a concert or ball game,” he said, “they use a tally counter to keep track of everyone who enters? Well, I use this box to keep track of all the moments I feel joy each day.
“So for me, it’s a joy counter,” he said with a big smile.
Jacob shared that as his illness progressed, he had struggled with depression. He watched his friends live their lives while he was stuck in a hospital bed.
That’s when he came up with the idea of the joy counter.
“He clicked the joy counter for visits from friends,” Diane writes, “for the unceasing and tender love from his wife, Carla; for the healthy foods she prepared; for pistachio ice cream, a good joke, and all the memories from his past [that were being projected onto the wall of his living room].”
“The more I used it, the more I realized how often I get to use it every day,” he said. “Once you begin to pay attention, you will discover that there is beauty and joy nearly everywhere.”
“Wow, that’s beautiful,” Gabby responded. “I try to be positive, joyful, and pay attention to the good things in my life, but I’ve definitely never considered the benefits of counting my joy!”
Jacob smiled at her and said, “And sometimes…other people click it, too.”
2: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about. Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. At the end of each week, we are exploring some of the life lessons from Diane’s book What Matters Most.
Reflecting on Jacob, Diane, who is an end-of-life doula, observes: “People who are facing the end of their lives are some of the most joyful people I have ever known.”
Why is this?
“Maybe because they are living in the present moment and soaking it all in, rather than reliving the past or worrying about the future,” she notes. “Many have come to a place of acceptance and have addressed regrets from their past.
“They are letting go of stress, expectations, people-pleasing, and self-criticism. Their lifelong to-do list is dwindling to a few small tasks, mostly centered on matters of the heart.”
Life is busy. Life is complicated.
“But as people slow down, expectations begin to fade away,” Diane writes. “They don’t care so much about politics, the Grammy Awards, or the hottest new Netflix series. They don’t need to fix, clean, or buy anything at all. . .
“What’s most meaningful becomes crystal clear. Holding hands, looking into the eyes of a grandchild, or laughing with friends is infinitely more important than being ‘productive’ in any way.
“But most important,” she notes, “the walls often come down, allowing people to be authentic and real without fear of judgment.
“Hopefully, they are surrounded by love, which is the ultimate source of joy and comfort, especially when material items have become meaningless.”
3: The day after Jacob died, Gabby couldn’t stop thinking about him and the joy counter that now sat next to her bedside. She held it in her hand and clicked it, thinking about all that Jacob brought to her life.
“She walked outside with her morning coffee and looked at the sky and the white, pillowy clouds, taking it all in,” Diane writes.
“Jacob reminded her that life is fragile, and she didn’t want to ever take the sky, or the clouds, or anything in her life for granted, so she clicked her joy counter again in deep reverence for our beautiful, natural world.
“The clouds passed, and she thought of life’s miracles,” Diane shares.
“This is all free,” Gabby thought. “We have been gifted so, so much. I don’t want to miss another moment.”
Diane writes: “She went back inside her warm house, turned on some music, made breakfast, and then sat on her cozy couch and cuddled her cats.
“A warm home. Music. Food. A cozy couch. Cats. She reached into her pocket. Click…click…click…click…click.”
More next week!
_________________________
Reflection: How often do I pause long enough to notice and appreciate the ordinary moments of beauty, comfort, love, and joy already present in my life?
Action: Create my own “joy counter” today—mentally or physically—and intentionally notice and count moments of joy, gratitude, beauty, laughter, or connection throughout the day.