1: “People are terrible at knowing what is good for them,” Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz write in The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
There are several reasons for this reality.
First is our belief that happiness is something we achieve. “As if it were an award you could frame and hang on the wall,” Bob and Marc write.
“Or as if it were a destination, and after overcoming all of the obstacles in your way, you will finally arrive there, and then just hang out for the rest of your life. Of course, it doesn’t work that way.”
Next, “the good life may be a central concern for most people,” the authors write, “but it is not the central concern of most modern societies. Life today is a haze of competing social, political, and cultural priorities, some of which have very little to do with improving people’s lives. The modern world prioritizes many things ahead of the lived experience of human beings.”
Finally, “our brains, the most sophisticated and mysterious system in the known universe, often mislead us in our quest for lasting pleasure and satisfaction,” they note.
“We may be capable of extraordinary feats of intellect and creativity, we may have mapped the human genome and walked on the moon, but when it comes to making decisions about our lives, we humans are often bad at knowing what is good for us. Common sense in this area of life is not so sensible. It’s very difficult to figure out what really matters.”
So, “the culture we live in leads us in particular directions, sometimes without our even noticing, and we follow along, outwardly pretending that we know what we’re doing, but inwardly in a state of low-grade confusion.”
2: The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest in-depth longitudinal study of human life ever done.
“We are often asked to summarize the findings,” the authors note.
“What is the most important thing we’ve learned? . . . The consistent signal that comes through after eighty-four years of study and hundreds of research papers, is one simple message: Positive relationships are essential to human well-being.”
3: Upon hearing this summary, we might wonder how the authors “can be so sure that relationships play such a central role in our health and happiness.
“How is it possible to separate relationships from economic considerations, from good or bad luck, from difficult childhoods, or from any of the other important circumstances that affect how we feel from day to day?”
Indeed, “a huge range of factors contribute to a person’s happiness,” they note. “The delicate balance of economic, social, psychological, and health contributors is complex and everchanging. Rarely can any single factor be said, with absolute confidence, to cause any single result, and people will always surprise you.
“That said, there really are answers to this question. If we look at the same kinds of data repeatedly over time, across large numbers of people and studies, patterns begin to emerge, and predictors of human thriving become clear.
“Among the many predictors of health and happiness, from good diet to exercise to level of income, a life of good relationships stands out for its power and consistency.”
Other multidecade longitudinal studies from around the world show similar findings: “All of these studies, as well as our own Harvard Study, bear witness to the importance of human connections. They show that people who are more connected to family, to friends, and to community, are happier and physically healthier than people who are less well connected.”
The “good life” is not as far away as we think.
“It is not waiting in the distant future after a dreamy career success,” Bob and Marc note. “It’s not set to kick in after you acquire some massive amount of money. The good life is right in front of you, sometimes only an arm’s length away. And it starts now.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Am I surprised by the findings of the Harvard study? How might I apply the key lesson around the importance of relationships?
Action: Discuss with a family member or friend.