1: For several years, Sahil Bloom struggled to connect with his wife during difficult times, he writes in The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life.
Then, he heard about a book by a Baptist pastor, Gary Chapman, called The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
Gary suggests that there are five distinct love languages that describe how romantic partners give, receive, and experience love: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and gifts.
When we fail to connect with our partners, it’s often because we naturally express love in the love language we prefer.
Which is not always the same as the one our partner prefers.
Sahil’s wife’s primary language is physical touch.
“I struggled to meet her where she needed me to be,” he recalls, “simply because I was not aware that this physical connection was all that she required from me at difficult moments.”
When we are aware of and understand our partners’ love language, we can show up for them in the way that makes them feel loved. Doing so is a crucial strategy for maintaining a thriving relationship.
2: Here is a quick overview of the five different love languages.
Love Language #1: Physical Touch: “People who use this love language find that physical, human connection is what makes them feel most loved—hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddling, and other forms of physical contact,” Sahil writes. “Nonsexual touch is just as important as sexual intimacy for them.”
Once he learned that this was how his wife wanted to be loved, Sahil was able to show up differently.
“When she’s upset or stressed,” he notes, “a hug or back rub is more effective than any other action I can possibly take.
“When she’s feeling great, a hand-hold and kiss on the cheek creates a powerful, lasting feeling of connection.”
Love Language #2: Words of Affirmation: “People who use this love language feel most loved when they hear compliments, words of encouragement, and expressions of appreciation,” Sahil explains.
Love Language #3: Quality Time: This love language is about being fully present with our partners.
“People who use this love language feel loved when their partners give them undivided attention and spend quality time with them,” he writes.
“They are present in the moment, engage in meaningful conversations, and create shared experiences together.”
Love Language #4: Gifts: “People who use this love language value the thought and effort behind gifts,” Sahil writes. “They feel loved when receiving thoughtful and meaningful gifts.”
Love Language #5: Acts of Service: “People who use this love language value actions over words,” he notes. “They feel loved when their partners perform acts of service to make their lives easier or more comfortable (doing household chores, running errands, or taking on tasks to lighten their load).”
3: Falling in love? That’s easy.
Growing in love? That can be harder.
Understanding our partner’s love language is an essential way to grow in love, as it allows us to develop and deepen the bond we share, even during painful experiences, dark and difficult times, and challenging conversations.
“Growing in love happens over long periods,” Sahil writes, “across seasons of life, in waves that come and go. Growing in love is what creates the depth of a lifelong bond.”
We can capitalize on the power of the different love languages by taking a free quiz at 5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language.
We can make it a game by each guessing the other’s love language.
Then, after we learn the correct answers, we can discuss how to utilize our understanding of each other’s love languages in our day-to-day connections and expressions of love.
Sahil’s prediction?
“Our relationships will benefit from the consideration.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Am I expressing care in ways that truly resonate for my partner, or simply defaulting to my own preferences and missing what matters most?
Action: Identify the primary love language of someone close to me, and take one intentional step this week to show love in the way they best receive it.