1: You might think joy would be an easy emotion to embrace, Kelly McGonigal writes in her new book Joy is a Risk Worth Taking.

“But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the last decade of studying this emotion, it’s that for many people— even those who want more meaning, pleasure, connection, and hope in life—joy can be a hard feeling to trust.”

Why does this happen?

“Some … continue reading

1: Imagine you’ve just been offered a promotion.

A big promotion. One that will accelerate your career and give you greater responsibility.

“And it pays enough to help soften the blow of displacement,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“That last part is important,” the authors say, “because you’ll have to move the … continue reading

1: You notice that your generally high-performing assistant regularly shows up late to meetings.

When you bring up your concern, he looks genuinely upset.

Now what?

A common mistake is downplaying your feedback by saying, “You know it’s really not that big a deal.”

A smarter approach comes from Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are … continue reading

1: Things aren’t going well between Oba and Mari.

They’re about to have a crucial conversation, one where the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong.

Oba: “Mari, I was wondering if we could talk about what happened on Friday night—you know, when you got home late from work and went straight to our room?”

Mari: “Oh, you mean Friday night when you were sitting on the couch … continue reading

1: It’s Friday night.

Mari works as a project manager for a global supply chain company.  Oba is a chef.

It’s been a tough year for the couple.

“A recession triggered a restructuring in Mari’s company, and she was asked to take on additional responsibilities while downsizing her team,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes … continue reading

1: There are often tense moments at the beginning of a Crucial Conversation.

The stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions can get intense.

“Others are scanning your every facial tic or leg crossing for evidence of your intentions,”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book  Crucial Conversations

“Do you mean them harm? Are you out to get them?” they are … continue reading

1: Some people are total jerks.

“Deep down and all the way through,” write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations.

Yep.

“But let’s be honest.  Have you ever lost your temper?” the authors ask.

“Yelled at someone in the heat of the moment?

“Interrupted someone when you just couldn’t take it anymore?

“Used your power (as a parent, boss, or … continue reading

1: What is a crucial conversation?

The stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong, write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

The challenge is that it’s not always obvious when a conversation shifts from routine or harmless to crucial.

“When stakes get high, you get so caught up in what you’re … continue reading

1: “It’s a shame that everyone else is an idiot,” Tynan writes in Superhuman by Habit.

Pause.

“Of course, it’s important to remember that to everyone else, you are the idiot.”

It all begins when we realize that being positive toward others is a habit we can develop.

Tynan tells a story about a disagreement he had with a cruise ship staff member after he felt he was charged … continue reading

1: You’ve got it all wrong.

You’ve been taught that stress is bad for you.

This belief is harmful, Kelly McGonigal argues in The Upside of Stress.

“The best way to manage stress isn’t to reduce or avoid it, but rather to rethink and even embrace it.”

The fight-or-flight survival instinct is part of your stress response.  When something major happens, your sympathetic nervous system mobilizes your entire body.… continue reading