1: There are often tense moments at the beginning of a Crucial Conversation.

The stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions can get intense.

“Others are scanning your every facial tic or leg crossing for evidence of your intentions,”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book  Crucial Conversations

“Do you mean them harm? Are you out to get them?” they are … continue reading

1: Some people are total jerks.

“Deep down and all the way through,” write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations.

Yep.

“But let’s be honest.  Have you ever lost your temper?” the authors ask.

“Yelled at someone in the heat of the moment?

“Interrupted someone when you just couldn’t take it anymore?

“Used your power (as a parent, boss, or … continue reading

1: What is a crucial conversation?

The stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong, write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

The challenge is that it’s not always obvious when a conversation shifts from routine or harmless to crucial.

“When stakes get high, you get so caught up in what you’re … continue reading

1: “It’s a shame that everyone else is an idiot,” Tynan writes in Superhuman by Habit.

Pause.

“Of course, it’s important to remember that to everyone else, you are the idiot.”

It all begins when we realize that being positive toward others is a habit we can develop.

Tynan tells a story about a disagreement he had with a cruise ship staff member after he felt he was charged … continue reading

1: You’ve got it all wrong.

You’ve been taught that stress is bad for you.

This belief is harmful, Kelly McGonigal argues in The Upside of Stress.

“The best way to manage stress isn’t to reduce or avoid it, but rather to rethink and even embrace it.”

The fight-or-flight survival instinct is part of your stress response.  When something major happens, your sympathetic nervous system mobilizes your entire body.… continue reading

1: Why pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself?

And why devote the time, effort, and energy to change these stories?

It’s not going to be easy, Crucial Conversations authors Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory warn us.

There are two reasons you may want to change the stories you are telling yourself:

Reason #1: Bad results.

Maybe you … continue reading

“Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” —William Shakespeare

1: “Even if you don’t realize it, you are telling yourself stories,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

Even right now. Even as you are reading this.

Yesterday, we looked … continue reading

1: Maria is mad because her co-worker Louis took over the presentation to their boss.

They had worked on the presentation together and had agreed they would each present different parts.

But once the meeting started, that’s not what happened.

“She’s feeling hurt but is worried that if she says something to Louis, she’ll look too emotional,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and … continue reading

1: Maria is mad.

She’s a copywriter at a mid-sized company.  She and her co-worker Louis just reviewed the latest draft of a proposal with their boss.

“During the meeting, they were supposed to be jointly presenting their ideas,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“But … continue reading

1: It’s called the “Fools’ Choice.”

“Kevin, his peers, and their boss were deciding on a new location for their offices—would they move across town, across the state, or across the country?”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

Two of the company’s leaders presented their case for … continue reading