1: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. On Friday, I share something about myself or what we are working on at PCI.
One of my goals for the year is to experiment with different approaches and tools to strengthen my relationships with the people I love and care about.
We will revisit ideas from prior RiseWithDrew posts on this topic for the next several Fridays.
2: Last Friday, we explored Stephen Covey‘s concept of empathic listening, which builds on Brene Brown’s insight that empathy is different from sympathy.
In the Eighth Habit, Stephen observes that sympathy is often a form of judgment. People feed on sympathy. It makes them dependent.
Empathy, in contrast, involves both parties looking at the problem, issue, or feeling. We are on the same side of the table, writes Stephen, instead of being on opposite sides looking at each other.
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals,” Pema Chodron says.
We’ve also looked at the different types of empathy and how we can utilize them to create deeper “rhythms of relating”.
3: Stephen suggests several vital insights we can adopt to create richer conversations.
We begin by setting aside our autobiography and desire to give advice.
Next, we listen for the feelings underneath what is being said. When we sense emotion, we go back to empathetic listening. If the other person’s responses are logical and factual, we can effectively ask questions and give counsel.
Sometimes, words just get in the way. It isn’t always necessary to talk to empathize. Simply saying, “Oh,” “Mmm,” or “I see” coupled with a caring attitude serve as an invitation for the other person to explore their thoughts and feelings.
Most importantly, empathetic listening skills will not be effective unless they come from a sincere desire to understand.
Finally, empathetic listening takes time. But, going back to correct misunderstandings and rebuild connection takes far more time. Yet another example of going slow to go fast.
More next week!
________________
Reflection: When have I listened empathically in the past? What was the result?
Action: Experiment with listening for the feelings underneath the content.