1: “I’ve only experienced joy a few times in my life,” Kelly McGonigal‘s eighty-year-old father said when she told him she was writing a book about joy.

She asked him what those experiences were.

“The first moment he shared happened in 1977, a few weeks after my twin sister and I were born,” Kelly writes in her new book Joy is a Risk Worth Taking. “My mom was … continue reading

1: You notice that your generally high-performing assistant regularly shows up late to meetings.

When you bring up your concern, he looks genuinely upset.

Now what?

A common mistake is downplaying your feedback by saying, “You know it’s really not that big a deal.”

A smarter approach comes from Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are … continue reading

1: Things aren’t going well between Oba and Mari.

They’re about to have a crucial conversation, one where the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong.

Oba: “Mari, I was wondering if we could talk about what happened on Friday night—you know, when you got home late from work and went straight to our room?”

Mari: “Oh, you mean Friday night when you were sitting on the couch … continue reading

1: Tom was at a crossroads.

He was 55 years old and had worked at the same engineering company for 17 years.

“Throughout my career I’ve faced recurring interpersonal conflicts that resulted from frequent ‘blowups,'” Tom shares in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors.

Tom took pride in getting things done, even if his approach damaged … continue reading

1: “How can I respect someone who behaves in ways I deplore?” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors ask in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“What do you do if you’re upset because another person has let you down?” they ask.

What if this behavior has happened repeatedly?

“How can you respect a person who is so poorly motivated … continue reading

1: “Respect is like air. As long as it’s present, nobody thinks about it.

“But if you take it away, it’s all that people can think about,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation,” the authors observe, “the interaction is no longer about the original … continue reading

1: Imagine having a boss who regularly fails to keep commitments.

“How could you tell the boss you don’t trust him?” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors ask in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“Surely there’s no way to say this without him becoming defensive, right?”

Maybe.  Maybe not.

The solution is to find what the authors call a … continue reading

1: It’s Friday night.

Mari works as a project manager for a global supply chain company.  Oba is a chef.

It’s been a tough year for the couple.

“A recession triggered a restructuring in Mari’s company, and she was asked to take on additional responsibilities while downsizing her team,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes … continue reading

1: What happens to your brain when you connect with someone or something bigger than yourself?

In moments like this, you experience “presence,” Daniel Coyle writes in his book Flourish: The Art of Building Meaning, Joy, and Fulfillment.

Lisa Miller, a psychologist at Columbia University, has spent years studying what happens in the brain during these deeper connections.

In one study, she tracked brain changes in twenty-seven people … continue reading

1: “Iain McGilchrist lives on the far edge of the Isle of Skye, off the coast of western Scotland, at the end of a one-lane, four-mile-long road,” Daniel Coyle writes in Flourish: The Art of Building Meaning, Joy, and Fulfillment.

These were the instructions Iain provided to Daniel, who was traveling to Scotland to conduct an interview: “At the bottom the road gives out. You are nearly at … continue reading