1: There are two types of people in the world, David Brooks writes in his book How to Know A Person.
There are “Illuminators.” Who possess “a persistent curiosity about other people,” David writes. “They shine the brightness of their care on people and make they feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up.”
And then there are “Diminishers.” “Who make other people feel small. Often, they are so involved with themselves that other people are just not on their radar screen.”
2: Our quest to become an Illuminator begins with this understanding, David writes: “If I want to see you, I want to see, at least a little bit, how you see the world. I want to see how you construct your reality, how you make meaning. I want to step, at least a bit, out of my point of view and into your point of view.”
There are approximately eight billion people on the planet. And each of us sees the world in our own unique, never-to-be-done-again way.
I can choose to see you as an active creator.
“I want to understand how you construct your point of view,” he notes “I want to ask you how you see things. I want you to teach me about the enduring energies of old events that shape how you see the world today.”
As Illuminators, we ask: “How does this look to you?” “Do you see the same situation I see?”
Then, we ask: “What are the experiences and beliefs that cause you to see it that way?”
For example, I might say, “What happened to you in childhood that makes you still see the world from the vantage point of an outsider?”
Or, “What was it about your home life that makes celebrating holidays and hosting dinner parties so important to you?”
Or, “You hate asking for favors. Why is that such an issue for you? You seem to have it all, and yet you are insecure. Why is that?”
3: As we engage in these types of conversations, we also become more aware of the frameworks we are using to construct reality.
As “we’re getting to know each other better,” David writes, “we’re also getting to know ourselves better.”
David shares the story of the French writer Emmanuel Carrère who was transformed by the experience of living through the 2004 tsunami: “When he entered into lives other than his own, his perspectives widened and deepened. He saw others differently, himself differently. He was humanized. He felt with more affection and saw the world with more wisdom.
“This is the effect that seeing others deeply tends to have on people.”
More tomorrow.
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Reflection: Think about the people I spend the most time with. Am I surrounding myself with Illuminators or Diminishers? How can I more often show up more often as an Illumninator to the people I love and care about?
Action: Journal about the questions above.