1: You and your friends are at a karaoke bar on a Friday night.
The moment has arrived. It’s your turn to hit the stage and grab the mic.
Picture yourself saying, “I’m excited.”
Will you sing better if instead you say “I’m nervous”?
2: “Many people would probably say no, because we presume that singing ability is a stable skill, dependent on factors like experience, interest, and practice,” Daniel Coyle writes in Flourish: The Art of Building Meaning, Joy, and Fulfillment.
The research tells a different story.
Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks ran a karaoke experiment like the one described above.
Before performing, one group of singers was told to say “I’m excited.”
Another group was told to say “I’m nervous.”
The performances of the “I’m excited” group were rated 52 percent higher than those of the “I’m nervous” group.
“They are more on pitch. They have better rhythm and phrasing,” Daniel shares. “They sing with more emotion and body movement, and create more positive feelings, both for themselves and for those watching.”
3: What’s going on here? Why did the “I’m excited” singers perform so much better?
Daniel explains that saying “I’m nervous” creates an implication: “I’m nervous because ________.” You fill in the blank with whatever fits: People will laugh at me. I’m a terrible singer. And so on.
But when you say “I’m excited,” your mind and body respond in a completely different way.
The interesting thing is that the nervousness doesn’t necessarily disappear.
The physical sensations may be much the same. What changes is the story you tell yourself about them.
Same racing heart. Same surge of energy. A completely different interpretation.
“Your brain kicks off a flow of changes that infuse your body with energy, energy that is picked up by the people around you,” Daniel writes. “Your focus widens; you take risks, you get immersed in the process.”
You become “a warmer, more expansive and expressive version of yourself,” he notes, “not because you’re exerting your willpower, but because that humble phrase serves as an awakening cue.”
Daniel calls this an “awakening cue”—a moment that opens your eyes to a new way of seeing something.
Awakening cues can be small, like saying “I’m excited” before you perform, or bigger, like the open-ended questions we explored earlier this week here and here.
“Awakening cues happen when we pause, let go of expectations, and step into a mystery greater than ourselves,” he writes.
“They are built on a paradox: The more we surrender control, the more fully we connect.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: When you feel nervous before a challenge, what story are you telling yourself about that feeling?
Action: The next time your heart starts racing before something important, tell yourself, “I’m excited,” and notice what changes.