1: Things aren’t going well between Oba and Mari.

They’re about to have a crucial conversation, one where the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong.

Oba: “Mari, I was wondering if we could talk about what happened on Friday night—you know, when you got home late from work and went straight to our room?”

Mari: “Oh, you mean Friday night when you were sitting on the couch … continue reading

1: Tom was at a crossroads.

He was 55 years old and had worked at the same engineering company for 17 years.

“Throughout my career I’ve faced recurring interpersonal conflicts that resulted from frequent ‘blowups,'” Tom shares in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors.

Tom took pride in getting things done, even if his approach damaged … continue reading

1: You and your friends are at a karaoke bar on a Friday night.

The moment has arrived. It’s your turn to hit the stage and grab the mic.

Picture yourself saying, “I’m excited.”

Will you sing better if instead you say “I’m nervous”?

2: “Many people would probably say no, because we presume that singing ability is a stable skill, dependent on factors like experience, interest, and practice,” Daniel … continue reading

1: “It’s a shame that everyone else is an idiot,” Tynan writes in Superhuman by Habit.

Pause.

“Of course, it’s important to remember that to everyone else, you are the idiot.”

It all begins when we realize that being positive toward others is a habit we can develop.

Tynan tells a story about a disagreement he had with a cruise ship staff member after he felt he was charged … continue reading

1: Many people believe they are the only ones who don’t fit in.

“Feeling like you don’t belong can change how you interpret everything you experience,” writes Kelly McGonigal in her powerful book The Upside of Stress.

“Conversations, setbacks, misunderstandings,” she notes, “almost anything can be viewed as evidence that, in fact, you don’t belong.”

“The belief that you don’t belong also feeds into many destructive states of mind, … continue reading

1: Why pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself?

And why devote the time, effort, and energy to change these stories?

It’s not going to be easy, Crucial Conversations authors Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory warn us.

There are two reasons you may want to change the stories you are telling yourself:

Reason #1: Bad results.

Maybe you … continue reading

1: When Diane Button was new to end-of-life care, so many questions flooded her mind.

“I wondered if I would ever get to a place where I would feel comfortable stepping into the home of a dying person with ease and grace,” she writes in her wonderful book What Matters Most: Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living.

Fortunately, she had a mentor. “Hospice chaplain Clarence Liu was was … continue reading

1: It was the summer of 1985.

One of Silicon Valley’s most legendary meetings was about to happen.

“I was in my office with Intel’s chairman and CEO, Gordon Moore, and we were discussing our quandary,” Andy Grove writes in his book Only the Paranoid Survive: How to Exploit the Crisis Points That Challenge Every Company.

“Our mood was downbeat,” Andy recalls.

“I looked out the window at … continue reading

1: Researchers at Harvard and MIT analyzed the moods and behaviors of 28,000 smartphone users.

What did they learn?

“When people felt down,” Rachel Barr writes in How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend, “they tended to seek out activities that promised instant gratification, like watching TV or drinking wine.”

When the participants were in a good mood, however, “they leaned toward more productive activities,” Rachel notes, “that … continue reading

1: “We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience,” said the educational reformer John Dewey.

Our ability to think, to reflect, to “think about our thinking” is integral to our ability to learn.

The term used to describe our ability to be aware of our thinking is called metacognition. 

Which author Anne-Laure Le Cunff calls “the forgotten secret to success” in her book Tiny Experiments… continue reading