1: Jennifer’s father was ill.
“The two things that he could do to improve his physical condition most significantly are to eat better and exercise,” she tells Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram, who write in their book The 5 Gears: How to Be Present and Productive When There is Never Enough Time.
And, “the two things he refuses to do are eat better and exercise,” she says.
Jennifer had attended a business retreat led by the two authors during which she learned about “the 5 gears.”
“Each gear has its purpose and place,” Jeremie and Steve write. “There is a right time and a right place for each gear.”
- 1st gear involves taking the necessary time to be 100% recharged.
- 2nd gear involves connecting with family, friends, or colleagues in a meaningful way.
- 3rd gear is about enjoying the company of groups of people.
- 4th gear lets us work hard while handling multiple projects and tasks.
- 5th gear is pure focus mode that allows us to “get in the zone” without interruption.
During the retreat, Jennifer had an epiphany: “I realized that I was spending all of my time with my father in 4th gear”—not only at work, but also with her dad.
“I was reviewing medications, talking about diet, preparing food, setting up exercise routines, and contacting physical therapists.”
It struck her: “I had never really thought about it from my father’s point of view. I asked myself what gear he might want me to be in during our time together.
“I knew 4th gear was not the answer,” she recalls. “He certainly had expressed his irritation at my constant ‘nagging.'”
So, Jennifer made a decision. When she was with her dad, she would focus on being in “3rd gear, frequently shifting down to 2nd and occasionally up to 4th when there is an issue where he needs my help. I certainly have not neglected any of his physical needs,” she notes.
Over the next six months, her father’s health continued to decline.
“If I had continued to nag at him from 4th gear, would he be in better physical condition? I don’t know, but I suspect not,” she reflects.
“What I do know is that we have spent many precious hours together in 2nd gear. We have discussed his faith on many occasions and his questions about grace and eternal life. He has shared many stories, memories, and life lessons with me.
“We’ve talked in-depth about his grandson Garrett’s future,” Jennifer says. “Dad told me many times that I might love Garrett as much as he did, but there was no way that anyone in the world loved him more than he did. . .
“We have shared and connected on an intimate level as father and daughter. So while I was previously focused on the nourishment and health of my father’s failing body, I changed focus to the nourishment and health of our relationship and his soul.
“I’ve never told my father about the 5 Gears, I just showed him. I don’t know if he has recognized that things are different or not. I do know that I am so glad that I was there to have these conversations with him,” Jennifer notes.
“In giving to him, I have received so very much in return. My father won’t be with me too much longer. I am so thankful that God used you to open my eyes before I was at a point of irreversible regret. I won’t have to say, ‘If I had it to do all over again, I’d spend more time just being with my father and making sure he knew how much I loved him.'”
Jeremie and Steve write: “This is what a responsive leader looks like—someone who can lead themselves and adjust along the way to make a tough situation better.”
2: As leaders, why do we let 4th gear control us? they ask.
“Is it the fear of possibly letting others down or is it a habit to allow tasks to run our lives?”
“Yes to both,” some might say.
The problem is that when 4th gear controls you, you lose the ability to connect meaningfully with the people around you.
“4th gear is the work gear,” they note. “And yet, if you will take the time to implement the other gears in your life, you will find that your everyday, multitasking 4th gear will become more productive.
“You will finish projects while in 5th gear,” they note, “which will make 4th gear feel more productive.
“When you insert 3rd gear appropriately, you will become much more at ease with people and will watch your influence climb because you are not too distracted by the cloud of tasks hanging over your head.
“If you insert 1st gear recharge into your task world,” Jeremie and Steve observe, “you will have more energy and more peace about you.
“When 2nd gear is used correctly the people most important will become priorities above the urgent tasks, which will lead to healthy relationships and again peace for you.”
Why does all this matter? Because “we have choices to make,” they note, “and our hope is that this concept and the stories within it might cause you to reprioritize the little things so that the big things of life become more healthy and effective.”
3: Elizabeth Paul, “a marketing guru, all-star leader, wife, and mom,” realized she was spending all her time, both at “work” and at “home,” in 4th and 5th gears.
“I thought,” she reflects, “that because I was being disciplined about putting my devices away during the golden family window of 5 to 8 P.M., I wasn’t in 4th or 5th gear, when in reality I was just putting on a different task hat.
“I realized that I actually have little to no 3rd or 1st gear in my life at all.
“That was shocking,’ she says. “Like a lot of working moms, I put heroic effort into making sure that my work commitments don’t adversely affect my kids/husband. I do this by getting up first, going to bed last, and sprinting like crazy any time they’re in school, napping, and so on, so they don’t ‘feel’ my working quite as much.
“Basically, I completely sacrificed 1st gear in the service of 2nd (with husband/kids) and 4th/5th. Those gears felt like ‘have to haves’, whereas 1st (any time for personal recharge) and 3rd (non-specific social time) felt like luxuries that could go.
“Seeing those holes made me realize why I’ve been feeling so tired and frayed,”
“I haven’t exactly fixed that yet, but I hear admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery!”
Right on, and more tomorrow!
Reflection: Am I trying to solve the people in my life, or am I truly connecting with them?
Action: Identify one relationship where I’ve been operating in 4th gear. This week, intentionally spend time in 2nd or 3rd gear—listening, laughing, reminiscing, or simply enjoying the person’s company.