“A great conversation is between two people who think the other is wrong.  A bad conversation is between those who think something is wrong with you.” -Micah Goodman, Professor at Hebrew University

1: The person sitting across from us is angry.  

We are debating a new marketing strategy.  At first, both of our intentions are clear.  We both want what’s best for the firm.

But as the conversation unfolds, a … continue reading

1: Imagine we are at a neighborhood barbecue.  Or perhaps a work event with people we don’t know.  Or barely know at all.

Let’s say we want to connect.  Get to know someone.  Not just small talk.

Yesterday, we looked at questions we don’t want to ask.  Questions that evaluate the other person.  Or closed questions that limit the way they can respond.  Or vague questions like “How’s it … continue reading

1: “If I’m going to get to know you,”  David Brooks writes in his book How to Know a Person, “it’s not because I have the magical ability to peer into your soul; it’s because I have the skill of asking the sorts of questions that will give you a chance to tell me about who you are.”

David believes there are good questions, and there are bad questions.… continue reading

1: David Bradley has a unique skill.

A skill that allowed him to start two successful consulting firms and then buy and revive The Atlantic magazine.

The skill? “He’s fantastic at seeing and choosing the right people,” David Brooks writes in his book How to Know a Person.

“Job interviews are notoriously unreliable,” David observes, “in part because many people aren’t good at seeing others, and in part because … continue reading

1: There are two types of people in the world, David Brooks writes in his book How to Know A Person.

There are “Illuminators.”  Who possess “a persistent curiosity about other people,” David writes. “They shine the brightness of their care on people and make they feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up.”

And then there are “Diminishers.”  “Who make other people feel small. Often, they are so involved with … continue reading

“Experience is not what happens to you, it’s what you do with what happens to you.” —Aldous Huxley

1: “An extrovert walks into a party and sees a different room than an introvert does,” David Brooks writes in his book: How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

“A person who has been trained as an interior designer sees a different room … continue reading

Back in the 1970s, Parker Palmer, the prominent Quaker writer and educator was offered the opportunity to become a college president, David Brooks writes in his book: How to Know a Person.

“In order to think through the decision,” David notes, Parker “engaged in a Quaker practice that involves a body called a clearness committee.  The committee is a group of peers who simply pose questions and allow the person … continue reading

Being a good conversationalist is a skill that can be learned.

“We should explicitly teach people, from a young age, how to be good conversationalists,” David Brooks writes in his book: How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

But we do not.

“In an attempt to make up for this lack, I’ve spent some time talking with conversation experts and reading … continue reading

1: David Brooks asks this question in his book How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

His answer: “Not by a long shot.”

David shares the story of a call with a government official “who was lecturing me about something or other.”

Suddenly, the call dropped. 

“I expected he’d call me right back,” David writes. “Five minutes passed. Seven. Finally, I … continue reading

Nancy Abernathy was a professor teaching first-year medical students a seminar on decision-making skills.  That winter, her husband, age fifty, died suddenly of a heart attack while cross-country skiing near their Vermont home.

“With some difficulty, she managed to make it through the semester and carried on with her teaching,” David Brooks writes in his book How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply … continue reading