1: Love doesn’t spring up randomly, Barbara Fredrickson writes in her book Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection.
“It emerges within certain circumstances,” she notes, “stemming from particular patterns of thought and action.
“These are love’s bedrock prerequisites.”
The first condition? A perception of safety.
“If we assess our current circumstances as threatening or dangerous in any way,” Barbara writes, “love is not at that moment a possibility for us.”
The human brain has developed over time to be “exquisitely attuned to threats,” she observes. Our “innate threat detection system even operates outside our conscious awareness.”
Exhibit one: We are running blissfully in the woods. In an instant, we notice the writhing snake on our path.
“Although true threats are rare, not everyone can trust the world this way,” Barbara notes. “People who suffer from anxiety, depression, or even loneliness or low self-esteem may perceive threats far more often than circumstances warrant.”
2: The next precondition? Love requires some form of physical connection.
“This means that when we’re alone,” Barbara notes, “thinking about those we love, reflecting on past loving connections, yearning for more, or even when we’re practicing loving-kindness meditation or writing an impassioned love letter, we are not in that moment experiencing true love.
“It’s true that the strong feelings we experience when by ourselves are important and absolutely vital to our health and well-being. But they are not (yet) shared, and so they lack the critical and undeniably physical ingredient of resonance.”
3: What is the best tool to trigger love, connection and oneness?
Eye contact.
“New scientific evidence suggests that if we don’t make direct eye contact with our coworker, we’re at a distinct disadvantage in trying to figure out what she really feels or means,” she observes.
“Eye contact is the key that unlocks the wisdom of our intuitions because when we meet our smiling coworker’s gaze, her smile triggers activity within our own brain circuitry that allows us to simulate—within our own brain, face, and body—the emotions we see emanating from hers.”
More tomorrow.
___________________
Reflection: How can I utilize the tools Barbara outlines to create more and deeper connections in my life?
Action: Experiment with the ideas in today’s post.
What did you think of this post?
