1: When couples divorce, one of the main reasons they give is, “I didn’t feel appreciated.”
If creativity were our love partner, do you think it would feel appreciated?
That’s one of the provocative questions Gay Hendricks asks in The Genius Zone: The Breakthrough Process to End Negative Thinking and Live in True Creativity.
He encourages us to examine the relationship we have with our creativity. We can ask ourselves, “How much do I appreciate my creativity?”
To maximize our creativity, we must woo it like a treasured partner. It’s similar to a courtship, he believes.
“I use the word ‘courtship’ because our true creativity needs to be wooed on a daily basis,” Gay observes. “When we are wooing a beloved, we go to extraordinary lengths to cultivate the relationship. We make space and time to be together, we speak to our beloved with kindness and respect, we celebrate her or his very existence.
“Our creativity,” he suggests, “needs to be wooed just like that.”
Reflecting on when he was courting his wife, Gay writes: “Katie and I started working together within a few months of falling in love. Since then, we’ve done hundreds of seminars together, been on Oprah together, and written a dozen books together. Even with all this time together, I feel like I learn new things about her all the time. I fall in love with her all over again on a daily basis.”
We can take the same approach with our creativity.
“For me,” he writes, “creativity thrives in an atmosphere of lavish appreciation. The more I appreciate my creativity, the more creative I get.”
2: The stakes are high, Gay writes: “Here’s a bottom-line truth I’ve learned, both from my own experience and from working with clients: we will never be genuinely happy unless we dedicate our bodies, minds, and souls to a lifelong courtship of our true creativity.”
Gay provides the following truths about creativity.
First, creativity thrives in time and space.
“When we are wooing a beloved, we make plenty of time for him or her. We create space so we can be together free of distraction. We do this out of the honor and respect we feel for our beloved.”
We can treat our creativity the same way, being rigorous about making space and time to be dedicated to it.
Second, we must make “a safe and welcoming inner space for our creativity,” he notes. “If we don’t have a comfortable home for our creativity inside us, no fancy computer or elegantly appointed office can make up for the lack. Just as no mansion can make up for the lack of intimacy in a marriage, it’s always what goes on inside that makes the difference.”
Third, “the essence of true creativity is genuine wonder,” Gay writes. “Wonder is when our minds are roaming freely, unshackled from criticism, with total permission to explore as it pleases. Wonder is the mind at play. By improving our skills at wondering, we can eventually turn our minds into spacious playgrounds.”
3: How do we cultivate wonder? By asking what Gay calls “wonder-questions.”
These types of questions “propel the wonder machinery of our minds into action,” he writes. “I consider them one of the great treasures of the mind. Wonder-questions are a largely untapped resource that facilitate living in our genius.”
Gay reflects: “In my early years, I thought there was a right answer for every question. As I matured, I realized that most of life’s biggest questions don’t have right answers at all. I found ultimately that life gets really interesting only when I wonder about everything, especially the stuff I thought I knew.”
An example of a powerful wonder-question is: What do I most passionately want to learn?
He encourages us to take out a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. “Write out in longhand the following question: What do I most passionately want to learn?”
Gay suggests that we write it out four times, pausing for two easy breaths between repetitions.
Next, ask the same question silently in our minds, pausing for two easy breaths between repetitions.
“Simply repeat the question, then rest our minds for two easy breaths before repeating the question again,” he suggests. “Don’t make any effort to answer the question, although it’s fine if answers spontaneously come. Just repeat the question four times, allowing two easy breaths of open space between repetitions.”
Then, “do the same process, this time asking the question aloud. Repeat the question out loud four times, taking a fifteen-second pause between repetitions. Note the sound of our voice each time we speak the question. With each repetition, fine-tune the sound vibrations of our voice so that it feels most pleasing to us.”
Another approach is to ask and answer: “What are three things we most need to know right now in our lives, the questions that would change our lives most profoundly if we could figure them out?”
When we write them out, start each wonder-question with ‘Hmmm’–“it’s the sound we make when we are genuinely wondering about something we really want to know.”
Some examples include: “Hmmm, how can I get the love I want and need? Hmmm, what can I do every day to make my marriage richer? Hmmm, how can I generate plenty of money by doing what I most love?”
We start by reflecting on and writing out our most important wonder-question first: Hmmm, __________________________?
Then we proceed to our second and third most important wonder-questions: Hmmm, __________________________?
Hmmm, __________________________?
“We can make changes to our list in the hours and days after we do this activity, Gay writes. “People often reshuffle their questions and come up with new ones many times until they home in on what’s most important to them.”
More tomorrow!
___________________________
Reflection: Am I nurturing my creativity with the same care and appreciation I would offer a beloved partner?
Action: Set aside dedicated time this week to ask and reflect on a wonder-question, writing it out and allowing space for new insights to emerge.
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