1: Researchers at Harvard and MIT analyzed the moods and behaviors of 28,000 smartphone users.
What did they learn?
“When people felt down,” Rachel Barr writes in How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend, “they tended to seek out activities that promised instant gratification, like watching TV or drinking wine.”
When the participants were in a good mood, however, “they leaned toward more productive activities,” Rachel notes, “that didn’t offer an immediate emotional payoff, such as reading or tidying up.”
The takeaway? “When we’re feeling okay, we’re more likely to bypass the quick dopamine hits in favor of choices that enrich our lives in more meaningful ways.”
Scientists label this tendency “the hedonic flexibility principle.”
And it illustrates what Rachel calls “an uncomfortable truth about human nature:” When we are feeling dejected, our inclination is to refill our tanks with activities that bring us down even further.
2: The most common example? Our “reflexive reach” for a pint of beer, a glass of wine, or a large pizza at the end of a hard day.
“No doubt the wine connoisseurs among my readers will be shaking their heads,” Rachel writes. “I’m not here to delight-shame anyone. Hedonic pleasures are also a part of the human experience.”
However, there is a difference between intentionally enjoying these pleasures and the “reflexive reliance on them when we’re at our lowest,” she explains.
Rachel likens our brains to “a well-meaning but inadvertently toxic-positive aunt telling us to look on the bright side while our lives collapse around us.
Our brains seek to make us feel better, but they point us toward whatever will lift our spirits with the least effort.
The result is “quick hits that often come freighted with consequences that make us feel worse,” she suggests.
Her advice to the wine connoisseurs and pizza enthusiasts?
I’m “one of them, after all,” Rachel writes. “But I’ve come to understand that these indulgences are best saved for when I’m not already worn thin.”
3: A better strategy?
“Take the time to pepper our days and weeks,” she recommends, “with delightful things that don’t also have the power to make us feel worse.”
When we avoid the pitfalls of seeking instant gratification when we are feeling down, we can nudge ourselves toward a better, happier mindset.
“While seemingly inconsequential,” Rachel writes, “delight can be used to break bad habits by giving our brains the fuel it seems to crave: Feeling good.”
We can deliberately sprinkle our days with little moments of delight.
“When life gets tough and our brains insist on TV and wine,” she notes, “the real answer might be taking the dog for a walk or spending time in a national park.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: How often do I reach for instant comforts when life feels heavy, and what might shift if I sprinkled my days with small, intentional delights instead?
Action: When feeling low, try swapping a quick dopamine fix—like TV or junk food—for a tiny delight: a walk outdoors, sharing a good moment with someone, or enjoying something beautiful.
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