This week and next we are exploring Sahil Bloom’s concept of “Social Wealth” as outlined in his book The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life.
Today we turn to a list of “Social Wealth Hacks I Wish I Knew at Twenty-Two” which Sahil put together with Arthur C. Brooks, social scientist, Harvard Business School professor, and number one New York Times bestselling author of From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life.
Enjoy!
As you read through the list, I encourage you to choose three of their ideas to be intentional about taking action this week to experiment with. Then, pay attention to what happens. [My selections: #8, #20, and #29.]
1: Happiness is not a destination but a direction; how you travel through life and whom you travel with is what counts.
2: People are made for love—we all crave it, and we can find something lovable in just about everyone we meet. We don’t always give it or accept it, because we make a lot of mistakes, but love is what all our hearts desire.
3: People who disagree on politics can still enjoy close relationships.
4: Happy people love people, use things, and worship the divine; unhappy people use people, love things, and worship themselves.
5: It’s a bad trade to be special rather than happy. That’s what people are doing when they choose the fourteenth hour of work before the first hour with their children.
6: Approach disagreements with your partner not as a “me” but as a “we.” The most harmonious couples are the ones who learn to play on the same team. Their predominant mode of interaction is collaborative, not competitive.
7: Happiness does not depend on a certain net worth, family configuration, or set of ideological views. It requires that you be generous in love and allow yourself to be loved.
8: Talk to people unlike you. The social path of least resistance is to stay in your traditional friend group, where interactions are familiar and easy. The social path of greatest benefit is to stray from that traditional group and expose yourself to new beliefs, mindsets, and views.
9: Treat fighting like exercise. It will be painful, sure, but you shouldn’t be unhappy about doing it regularly, because it makes you stronger—especially if you do it in a spirit of growth, not contempt.
10: Focus on your relationships; don’t leave their quality and intensity to chance. Treat them with the kind of seriousness that people usually reserve for their money or career.
11: When it comes to love, expand your time horizon. Thinking short-term leads to bad relationships.
12: True entrepreneurs risk their hearts by falling in love, even when it is risky.
13: Say exactly what you mean. No one—not even your family—can read your mind.
14: Don’t treat your family like emotional ATMs. When people treat their family as a one-way valve of help and advice—usually, it’s parents giving and children receiving—relationships suffer.
15: Make friendship an end in itself, not a stepping-stone to something else.
16: Feelings are contagious—don’t spread the virus of misery.
17: Put on your own oxygen mask first. Work on your own happiness before trying to help others. Forgoing your own joy for the sake of another person might seem like the more virtuous path, but that is a lose-lose strategy.
18: Don’t focus on looks and status in others. Good teeth and a high-paying job don’t predict faithfulness and kindness. Seek out evidence of the two latter traits.
19: When you think something nice about someone, let them know.
20: Tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them every single day.
21: If you’re trying to make conversation with people who intimidate you, ask what they’re currently working on that they’re most excited about. Ask follow-ups and listen intently.
22: When someone is going through hell, saying, “I’m with you,” is the most powerful thing you can do. Be the “darkest-hour friend” to those you love.
23: Record a video interview with your parents. Ask them questions and have them tell stories about their childhoods, adventures, hopes, dreams, and fears. Our time with them is finite, but we often fail to recognize that until it’s too late. These recordings will last forever.
24: If you’re torn on what gift to send someone, send a book you love.
25: Carry a pocket notebook and pen with you everywhere you go. If someone says something interesting, take it out and write it down.
26: Never keep score in life. When you’re with friends, pick up the check now and then—it all evens out if they’re real friends. Quid pro quo is a terrible way to live.
27: If you have too many deal friends, you won’t have enough real friends.
28: If you’re about to take an emotion-induced action, wait twenty-four hours. Many relationships have been broken by actions taken in the heat of the moment. Don’t fall into that trap.
29: Give a stranger a compliment every single day. Say you like someone’s shirt or shoes, compliment the person’s haircut, whatever. Don’t use it as a conversation starter—say it and continue on.
30: Stop trying to be interesting and focus on being interested. Interested people give their deep attention to something to learn more about it. They open up to the world; they ask great questions and observe. Being interested is how you become interesting.
31: In your twenties and thirties, do a few things that you’ll be excited to tell your kids about someday. Go on an adventure, train for some wild event, get your hands dirty on a crazy project. Create a few stories worth telling.
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Am I actively experimenting with new ways to deepen and expand my relationships, or just waiting for connection and happiness to happen by accident?
Action: Pick three social wealth hacks from this list and intentionally try them this week—then notice what changes in my attitude, energy, and sense of connection.
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