Yesterday we explored the idea when attempting to persuade another human being, we are wise to begin with connection and relationship rather than the logic of what we believe.  

The same rule applies when we are presenting to a group, Stephen Covey tells us in The 8th Habit.

We begin with ethos, our personal credibility, essentially the trust we inspire, the belief people have in our integrity and … continue reading

“I’ve got nothing to lose,” said the attendee at one of Stephen Covey‘s workshops. 

The stakes were high.  

“All of my eggs were in this one basket.  All of them,” the man shares in Stephen’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  He was trying to close a big commercial real estate deal in Chicago and all the signals indicated he was going to lose.  

“So I … continue reading

Stephen Covey‘s concept of empathic listening involves many of the topics we’ve explored the past several weeks.

We began with Brene Brown’s insight that empathy is different from sympathy, in the 8th Habit, Stephen observes sympathy is often a form of judgment.  People feed on sympathy.  It makes them dependent.

Empathy, in contrast, involves both parties looking at the problem, issue, or feeling.  We are on the same … continue reading

“If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” writes Stephen Covey in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Seek first to understand is a gift we can give those we care about. Next to physical survival, Stephen observes, the greatest need of a … continue reading

We typically seek first to be understood.

We’re either speaking or preparing to speak.

When we listen, Stephen Covey observes, it is often with the intent to reply.

Our tendency is to rush in. To fix things up with advice. Stephen notes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People we don’t always take the time to diagnose. To really, deeply understand the problem. As a result, we miss opportunities … continue reading

So far this week we’ve explored the benefits of empathy as well as the different types.  Today, we look at specific strategies to put empathy into action.   

I have the wonderful privilege this year of participating in the “Dragon’s Gap,” the Stagen Leadership Academy’s Advanced Leadership Program.  One section of program content focuses on “Rhythms of Relating” which builds upon the three types of empathy we outlined yesterday.… continue reading

Empathy is a magic ingredient.  Add it, and everyone and everything improves.  

The research shows patients are more like to follow their doctor’s recommendations if their doctor scores high on empathy.  Marriages are happier when the partners are empathic.  Those who practice empathy are less anxious and less stressed.  

Empathy involves withholding judgment, taking the other person’s perspective, recognizing emotion in other people, and communicating that back. 

Emotional Intelligence author … continue reading

What is the difference between empathy and sympathy?

Professor Brené Brown tells us it is the difference between “feeling for” and “feeling with.” 

Feeling sorry for someone is different than feeling sorry with them.

Brené believes empathy drives connection.  Sympathy ultimately drives disconnection.

Empathy creates a sacred space.  It is a choice, a vulnerable choice, Brené says.  Because we have to connect with something in ourselves that knows that feeling.… continue reading

Many of us focus on our weaknesses.  We focus on improving in areas where we don’t currently excel.

PCI is a strengths-based company.  We encourage our associates to identify people’s strengths, what they are good at and what they are passionate about, and put those strengths into action.  

Consider the amount of effort and energy it takes to improve a skill from “poor” to “fair.”  Now, imagine instead using that … continue reading

Imagine we are at work.

First thing in the morning, we get an email from our boss with a pressing assignment that must be done by 5 pm.  We jump in.  But a minute later we receive a call from a major client who is on the verge of losing it.  Because of an unanticipated problem and resulting delay.  We quickly marshall the troops, get to work on identifying and … continue reading