1: Imagine you’ve just been offered a promotion.

A big promotion. One that will accelerate your career and give you greater responsibility.

“And it pays enough to help soften the blow of displacement,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“That last part is important,” the authors say, “because you’ll have to move the … continue reading

1: Things aren’t going well between Oba and Mari.

They’re about to have a crucial conversation, one where the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong.

Oba: “Mari, I was wondering if we could talk about what happened on Friday night—you know, when you got home late from work and went straight to our room?”

Mari: “Oh, you mean Friday night when you were sitting on the couch … continue reading

1: Tom was at a crossroads.

He was 55 years old and had worked at the same engineering company for 17 years.

“Throughout my career I’ve faced recurring interpersonal conflicts that resulted from frequent ‘blowups,'” Tom shares in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors.

Tom took pride in getting things done, even if his approach damaged … continue reading

1: “How can I respect someone who behaves in ways I deplore?” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors ask in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“What do you do if you’re upset because another person has let you down?” they ask.

What if this behavior has happened repeatedly?

“How can you respect a person who is so poorly motivated … continue reading

1: There are often tense moments at the beginning of a Crucial Conversation.

The stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions can get intense.

“Others are scanning your every facial tic or leg crossing for evidence of your intentions,”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book  Crucial Conversations

“Do you mean them harm? Are you out to get them?” they are … continue reading

1: Some people are total jerks.

“Deep down and all the way through,” write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations.

Yep.

“But let’s be honest.  Have you ever lost your temper?” the authors ask.

“Yelled at someone in the heat of the moment?

“Interrupted someone when you just couldn’t take it anymore?

“Used your power (as a parent, boss, or … continue reading

1: Consider this.

Has there ever been a time when you received really tough feedback from someone, and you didn’t become defensive?

“Instead, you absorbed the feedback. You reflected on it. You allowed it to influence you,”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book  Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

What was it about that situation that helped you … continue reading

1: What is a crucial conversation?

The stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong, write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

The challenge is that it’s not always obvious when a conversation shifts from routine or harmless to crucial.

“When stakes get high, you get so caught up in what you’re … continue reading

1: You’re angry. Lately, it feels like Phil keeps leaving the toughest or most unpleasant tasks for you to handle.

How do you respond?

You vent to your friends about always being the one who has to clean up the messes.

But what is it that you don’t mention?

“That you smile broadly when your boss compliments you for your willingness to take on challenging jobs,” Joseph Grenny and his … continue reading

1: Imagine being faced with a crucial conversation.

The stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.

Still, instead of engaging in productive dialogue, you shut down or lash out.

“Rather than engaging in productive dialogue, you either shut down or push back,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When … continue reading