1: “It’s a shame that everyone else is an idiot,” Tynan writes in Superhuman by Habit.
Pause.
“Of course, it’s important to remember that to everyone else, you are the idiot.”
It all begins when we realize that being positive toward others is a habit we can develop.
Tynan tells a story about a disagreement he had with a cruise ship staff member after he felt he was charged too much for internet use.
“Halfway through the argument I realized that both of us were certain that we were in the right,” he recalls, “and equally certain that the other person was a complete idiot.”
What did Tynan learn from this experience?
“In the face of that uncertainty of never truly knowing whether one is right or wrong, the best you can do is to have compassion towards the other person. . .
You can “acknowledge the paradox of being certain in your position yet aware that your strong convictions are sometimes wrong.”
2: Now, “in some situations you need to be insistent and assertive or your complaint won’t be taken seriously,” he observes.
Yes, and. . . life is objectively better when you stop focusing on how wrong the other person is.
When you make a conscious effort to be compassionate, you not only feel more goodwill toward others, but you also work better with them.
Being open in this way helps you see situations from a broader perspective.
Tynan’s lightbulb moment occurred when he happened to glance at a bulletin board in the back of a “hippie restaurant” in Austin, Texas.
“Most of the flyers were touting various new-age examples of snake oil,” he recalls, “but there was one that wasn’t selling anything and just had a few sentences on it.”
It read: “Remember that everyone is just doing their best and trying to be happy, just like you.”
In that moment, the way he saw other people shifted.
“Whenever you find yourself thinking poorly of someone or in some sort of conflict with someone, force yourself to say to yourself, ‘Remember that this person is just doing their best and trying to be happy, just like me.'”
Over time, he has practiced turning this way of thinking into a habit.
“Even after a couple years,” Tynan explains, “I’m still semi-consciously reminding myself to do this, but it helps every time.”
On the surface, this habit may feel “silly,” he notes, but “I find that it instantly shifts my perception, and I am able to see my counterpart as a real human being, for whom any given interaction is a tiny slice of their life.
“That puts things in context,” Tynan notes, “and all of a sudden I’m able to find reasonable justifications for their behavior.”
3: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about. Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. At the end of each week, we’re exploring Tynan’s book Superhuman by Habit, which covers how to install specific, positive habits in our lives.
So, how did Tynan handle being overcharged for internet on the cruise?
“I could imagine how this girl who was helping me wasn’t properly trained, and was doing her best,” Tynan recounts. “I thought about how frustrating it must be for her to field internet-related queries from angry people who know even less about the internet than she does.
“Last, I thought about how it must be stressful for her to work on a cruise ship all the time, compared to the stress-free experience I had as a passenger.”
Tynan admits that building a habit of being positive toward others matters a lot to him because empathy has not always come easily.
“If you feel like you don’t get frustrated with others often and can usually see their point of view, your time may be better spent on other habits,” he notes.
More next week!
_______________________
Reflection: Think about someone who has frustrated you recently. What might be happening in their life that you can’t see?
Action: The next time you find yourself judging someone, pause and silently remind yourself: “This person is just doing their best and trying to be happy, just like me.”
What did you think of this post?
