1: What exactly is the “parenthood paradox”?
Research shows that most parents of grown-up children are very happy they’ve had them, Fred Kofman writes in The Meaning Revolution.
Yet, parents still living with children in the home score low on happiness.
So what’s going on here?
“It seems that raising kids decreases happiness but increases meaning,” Fred observes.
Which suggests a higher-level insight: “Happiness and meaning often build on each other, but not always,” Fred notes. In fact, “living a meaningful life is different from, and can even be opposed to, being happy.”
Happiness is understood to be about pleasure and positive feelings. It’s about satisfying our needs and getting what it is we want.
Meaning, on the other hand, is about “significance and positive impact,” he notes. It’s about “developing a personal identity and acting with purpose and principles.”
Consider emergency volunteers. They go to extraordinary lengths to help those suffering from accidents or natural catastrophes.
Fred writes: “Suffering negative emotions for the sake of a noble purpose brings meaning to their lives, but it doesn’t make them happy.”
The opposite is also true. Fred quotes psychologist Roy Baumeister, who writes: “Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed, or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided.”
We may be happy living easy lives. But we may not feel that our lives have much meaning.
“If anything, pure happiness is linked with not helping others in need,” Roy states.
2: There are two specific factors that increase feelings of meaning: Making sense of life (cognition) and having a sense of purpose (motivation).
“The cognitive component involves integrating experiences into a coherent narrative as if it were a story, taking a third-person perspective on one’s life,” Fred observes.
The motivational element of meaningfulness is associated with pursuing long-term goals that reflect our identity.
“We are most satisfied,” Fred suggests, “when we engage in meaningful pursuits and virtuous activities that align with our best self.”
Research shows that having purpose in our lives increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency and self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression.
In contrast, the single-minded pursuit of happiness makes people less happy.
3: What are the implications of these insights on happiness and meaningfulness for leaders?
“As companies compete for talent,” Fred observes, “they try to give employees what they want, to make them happy: higher salaries, lower stress, more benefits, and fewer difficulties.”
The only problem with this approach?
“This strategy generally backfires,” Fred suggests.
“What people really want, what makes us truly happy in the long term is not pleasure but meaning,” he surmises.
“And meaning is the offer of a transcendent leader.”
More tomorrow!
_____________________
Reflection: On a scale of 1-10: (1) How happy am I? (2) Am I living a purposeful life?
Action: Journal about my answers to the questions above.
What did you think of this post?
