1: 1: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. On Friday, I share something about myself or what we are working on at PCI.
This week, we’ve been exploring Barbara Fredrickson‘s research regarding what she calls Love 2.0 in the book of the same name.
Barbara is a scientist. Science tells us love is an emotion—but not just any emotion. It is the “supreme emotion,” Barbara writes, because “its presence or absence in our lives influences everything we feel, think, do, and become.”
The scientific definition of love is “the micro-moment of warmth and connection that we share with another living being,” she notes.
Barbara encourages us to “upgrade our vision of love” to create more of these moments.
Which applies not only to our spouses and close friends, but also to all the different people we interact with throughout our days.
2: Regarding marriage, Barbara shares research that shows that “couples who regularly make time to do new and exciting things together—like hiking, skiing, dancing, or attending concerts and plays—have better-quality marriages.”
This idea is consistent with one of my favorite expressions: “Love is an action verb.” We don’t just feel love. We do it.
Love, Barbara believes, “is something we should recultivate every morning, every afternoon, and every evening.”
Because when we live this way, we “feel united, connected, of a piece,” she observes. “When we especially resonate with someone else—even if we’ve just met—the two of us are quite literally on the same wavelength, biologically.”
3: One way my wife Carey and I try to bring this idea to life is by setting one night each week for “date night.” Most weeks, this night is my favorite night of the week! For a couple of hours, we set life aside and simply enjoy sharing a meal together.
Last year, I read the book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. It contains many great ideas, but one simple one we’ve had some fun with is aiming to hug your partner six times a day for a minimum of six seconds.
“The six-times-six formula is not arbitrary,” the authors write. “The six-second minimum for each hug recognizes that . . . they can start out forced but will become genuine at about the fourth or fifth second.”
For the last several years, Carey and I have created some fun annual goals specific to our marriage. Although we live in a big city (Dallas) with a thriving arts district, we haven’t participated much. So this year, we plan to attend the symphony, an opera, a jazz concert, a play, and visit several museums.
To get out of our (more accurately, my) comfort zone, we plan to go dancing once a quarter, either two-stepping, swing dancing, or some other dance variation. All I know is it will likely be fun!
More next week!
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Reflection: How might I create more moments of warmth and connection in my marriage or other meaningful relationships?
Action: Do it!
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