1: Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz get asked many questions.
Bob and Marc are the Director and Associate Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the world’s longest scientific study of happiness.
People often approach them with worried looks and ask: “If I’m shy and have trouble making friends, is the good life out of reach?”
Or, “If I had a bad childhood, am I just totally screwed?”
We fear that real happiness is beyond our reach, ruminating: “I’m not genetically gifted; I’m not extroverted; I endured trauma in my past and am still struggling with it; I’m not privileged in the ways that seem to advantage others in this imbalanced and unfair world,” Bob and Marc write in their book The Good Life.
The reality is that many factors are at play “in the lottery of life,” they write. “We may not like it, but there are things we are born with or born into that affect our well-being and are also beyond our immediate, personal control. . .
“Black Americans, for example, are one of the least advantaged—if not the least advantaged—groups in the United States. On average, Black Americans have less savings, higher rates of incarceration, and poorer health outcomes than any other racial group, all of which contribute to a persistent socioeconomic disadvantage that is difficult to break out of.”
2: And yet, there are things we can do regardless of the circumstances of where we were born or the color of our skin, which impact the quality of our lives. These behaviors and mindsets are under our control.
Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky is an expert on happiness. Her research shows, with compelling evidence, there are actionable answers to the question, “What makes us happy?”
Sonja set out to learn the secrets to living a happy life. Her research is based on “findings from a large collection of studies, from the happiness of twins raised in different families to the connection of life events with well-being,” Bob and Marc note.
She and her colleagues’ research shows that our intentional actions and choices account for about 40 percent of our happiness.
“That’s a sizable chunk that is within our control,” Bob and Marc write.
“These findings reveal one of the most essential and hopeful truths about human beings,” they note. “We are adaptable. We are resilient, industrious, and creative creatures who can survive incredible hardship, laugh our way through tough times, and come out stronger on the other end.”
3: Our brains, however, also have a “happiness set point,” a baseline level of happiness that is impacted largely by genetics and personality traits. When good or bad things happen, our brains eventually return to our baseline.
“For example, one year after winning the lottery, those lucky lottery winners are indistinguishable form the rest of us when it comes to happiness,” the authors write.
We get used to our new conditions: “We settle in. We tend to take things for granted,” Bob and Marc explain.
“This is a key point in the discussion about money,” they observe. “We might believe that making six figures or landing a new job or upgrading from our old Honda will make us happy, but in short order we will have gotten used to that situation, too, and our brains will move on to the next challenge, the next desire. Not even lottery winners can remain euphoric forever.”
Stoicism Buddhism and other spiritual traditions tell us: “The way we feel in life is determined only in part by what happens around us, and to a great extent by what happens inside of us,” the authors note.
David Foster Wallace, delivering a commencement speech at Kenyon College, observes: “The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.”
Indeed.
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Think back on an important goal I achieved. How happy did I feel immediately afterward? What about 90-days later? A year later?
Action: What meaning do I make of my answers to these questions?
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