1: Laura was pregnant when she learned about SuperBetter.
“I’m getting SuperBetter because my second baby is due any day now,” Laura says in Jane McGonigal‘s book SuperBetter: The Power of Living Gamefully.
“As all parents know, the first three months or so are pretty rough,” she remembers. “I figured anything that encouraged me to take care of myself would be a good thing.”
The SuperBetter framework asks participants to come up with an “Epic Win.”
Which turns out to be more difficult than it sounds.
“Making it through the next three months will happen no matter what, since I can’t stop time,” Sarah remembers thinking.
“Avoiding depression seemed unrealistic,” she recalls, “since I have a history of depression, and it sometimes hits despite my best efforts.”
Yep. What about: “Have a happy family”?
Laura realized that goal depended too much on things she couldn’t control.
“As you can see, I just couldn’t find an epic win that I liked!” she says.
2: Then, one day, while talking with one of her allies [hyperlink: yesterday’s post], she had an idea.
Help. Other. New. Moms.
How? By sharing the seven steps of the SuperBetter framework with them.
- Challenge yourself. Choose a meaningful real-life challenge you want to take on.
- Activate power-ups. Build your resilience with small habits and activities that make you feel stronger, happier, calmer, or more connected.
- Battle bad guys. Identify the obstacles, temptations, and negative thoughts that stand in your way—and develop strategies to overcome them.
- Complete quests. Break your challenge into small, achievable steps and celebrate each victory along the way.
- Recruit allies. Invite friends, family, mentors, or others to encourage, support, and cheer you on.
- Adopt a secret identity. Create an alter ego that embodies the qualities you want to bring to your challenge.
- Go for an Epic Win. Set an ambitious, meaningful goal that inspires you to keep playing, even when things get hard.
“More precisely,” Jane writes, “Laura decided to create a power pack, a customized set of power-ups, bad guys, and quests, that she could share with other new parents.”
Whenever Laura found a power-up that worked, spotted a tough bad guy, or completed a quest she was proud of, she added it to her power pack.
She shared all her insights online.
One of her recommended power-ups was, “Sunlight! Get outside, even just by sitting on your front steps for a few minutes.”
Quests included, “Take time to do one thing that makes you feel pretty today.”
Looking back, Laura says, “This was the perfect epic win for me.
“As a stay-at-home mother, you don’t get much sleep, your brain is awash with hormones, you don’t get much adult interaction, and to top it all off, there aren’t any concrete goals or projects to work toward.
“Creating my own power pack,” she says, “gave me a sense of daily purpose and progress. And it felt meaningful, because I knew it would help others.”
3: Laura’s approach to creating an Epic Win is an example of what Jane calls “Sneaking Up Sideways.”
The phrase comes from John Stuart Mill, a nineteenth-century British philosopher, who once said, “Happiness should be approached sideways, like a crab.”
Rather than trying to be happier, you pursue meaningful goals like learning something new, helping others, or creating something.
“Happiness is more likely to be created as a by-product of these meaningful goals,” Jane observes, “than by trying to be happier.”
To put this idea into practice, you just brainstorm things that give you a spark of joy, curiosity, purpose, or meaning.
“It can be big or small, silly or serious,” Jane says, “as long as going for it sounds like fun.”
The idea is to put aside your practical goals and generate ideas that don’t necessarily have anything to do with the bigger challenge you’ve chosen for yourself.
Jane writes: “Here are some questions to help you sneak your way to a happier, healthier, braver you:
- “What’s the most fun thing you can imagine doing thirty days from now?
- “What’s an activity that you’ve always wanted to explore but never felt like you had time? Pick an amount of time to commit to it over the next ninety days. If you spend at least that much time doing it, you win.
- “What’s a cause or charity you care about? Pick a way to show your support, whether it’s raising money or volunteering a set number of hours, over the next ninety days.
- “How could you express yourself creatively? Choose to make a video, write a song, self-publish a book, create a photo gallery, sculpt something, paint a mural, write an epic poem, or otherwise share a vision and make your voice heard.
- “Where would you like to go that you’ve never been before? Plan a trip or a local adventure someplace new.
- “Who is a person you care about deeply? Choose to do something special for that person, such as throwing a gratitude party for them.
- “What’s a new skill you could learn in the next six months? Make a plan for how you’ll learn it. Then pick a way to show off your new skill in a big way.
- “What challenge have you always wondered if you were up for? Whether it’s running a marathon or taking an online course, finally give it a shot once and for all.
- “What do you already know that you could teach others? Decide to pay it forward by sharing your wisdom and expertise with someone who could really benefit.”
Why does the “sneaking up sideways” approach work? Because when you pursue goals that match your core values, you will put in more effort. Which means you will be more likely to achieve your goals.
“Moreover,” Jane notes, “when you do achieve these goals, you will reap greater benefits: More happiness and a sense of personal satisfaction that lasts longer.”
More tomorrow.
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Reflection: If you stopped trying to be happier and focused instead on something meaningful, what “Epic Win” might naturally emerge?
Action: Brainstorm three goals that spark curiosity, purpose, or joy—even if they don’t seem directly related to your biggest challenge. Choose one and take the first small step today.
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