1: Some people are total jerks.

“Deep down and all the way through,” write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations.

Yep.

“But let’s be honest.  Have you ever lost your temper?” the authors ask.

“Yelled at someone in the heat of the moment?

“Interrupted someone when you just couldn’t take it anymore?

“Used your power (as a parent, boss, or … continue reading

1: Consider this.

Has there ever been a time when you received really tough feedback from someone, and you didn’t become defensive?

“Instead, you absorbed the feedback. You reflected on it. You allowed it to influence you,”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book  Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

What was it about that situation that helped you … continue reading

1: Imagine being faced with a crucial conversation.

The stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.

Still, instead of engaging in productive dialogue, you shut down or lash out.

“Rather than engaging in productive dialogue, you either shut down or push back,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When … continue reading

1: Marion spent 25 years working for the same organization.

“I was one move away from a cabinet-level position,” he recalls.

“However, no matter how many times I applied and interviewed for such positions, I was never selected.”

Being passed over made him mad.

So, what did he do next? He started telling himself what the authors of Crucial Conversations call “clever stories.”

“Clever stories justify our actions. They conveniently … continue reading

1: Maria is mad because her co-worker Louis took over the presentation to their boss.

They had worked on the presentation together and had agreed they would each present different parts.

But once the meeting started, that’s not what happened.

“She’s feeling hurt but is worried that if she says something to Louis, she’ll look too emotional,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and … continue reading

1: Maria is mad.

She’s a copywriter at a mid-sized company.  She and her co-worker Louis just reviewed the latest draft of a proposal with their boss.

“During the meeting, they were supposed to be jointly presenting their ideas,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“But … continue reading

1: It’s called the “Fools’ Choice.”

“Kevin, his peers, and their boss were deciding on a new location for their offices—would they move across town, across the state, or across the country?”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

Two of the company’s leaders presented their case for … continue reading

1: You know when the other guy is overstating his point.

You feel it when someone shuts down and stops participating in the conversation.

You sense when someone tightens their jaw and begins pointing their finger.

What do you fail to notice?

“Your eye roll. Your head shake. Your sneer,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory in their classic book Crucial … continue reading

“A great conversation is between two people who think the other is wrong.  A bad conversation is between those who think something is wrong with you.” -Micah Goodman, Professor at Hebrew University

1: The person sitting across from us is angry.  

We are debating a new marketing strategy.  At first, both of our intentions are clear.  We both want what’s best for the firm.

But as the conversation unfolds, a … continue reading