1: “I love professional wrestling!” the man said.
Jeremie Kubicek raised his eyebrows. “Alright then,” he thought.
“The funny part,” he writes in The 5 Gears, the book he co-authored with Steve Cockram, “was that his answer was the last thing I thought he would have said.
“If he had stated, ‘I like to collect stamps,’ that would have matched up to my expectations based on what he wore and how he talked.”
Six hours later, Jeremie was standing in an arena with his new friend and thousands of other wrestling-crazed fans, holding a sign that said, “Everything is better Stone Cold”—a tribute to the WWF legend, Steve Austin.
“We had a blast,” Jeremie recalls, “and I laughed incessantly, cheering through the noise and the antics with my new friend. . .
“On a side note, we happened to do business for years,” he adds.
His goal that day, however, was not to be transactional. Jeremie was genuinely interested in understanding what was important to his new friend.
That experience happened because he asked one simple question: “What do you love to do outside of your work?”
“What would I have missed,” he reflects, “if I never asked that question, if I had assumed he was a stamp collector?”
2: The story above is about the power of what the authors call “3rd Gear.”
“The 5 Gears” are both the title and central metaphor of Jeremie and Steve’s book.
- 1st gear involves taking the necessary time to be 100% recharged.
- 2nd gear involves connecting with family, friends, or colleagues in a meaningful way.
- 3rd gear is about being social and enjoying the company of others.
- 4th gear is your task-driven work gear, where you juggle priorities, responsibilities, and to-do lists.
- 5th gear is pure focus mode that allows you to “get in the zone” without interruption.
The biggest takeaway: “There is a right time and a right place for each gear,” they write.
“3rd gear is a mindset, the authors observe. “It is the space between task-driven, hyper-focused work (4th and 5th gears) and the no-work, relational connection of being with your family, spouse, or close friend (2nd gear).”
Some leaders think they are too busy to engage in 3rd Gear activities. They are missing out, Jeremie and Steve believe.
“If you are the type of person who gets stuck in 4th and 5th gear,” they write, “we encourage you to give 3rd gear a chance. What you learn might just change the way you work or communicate.”
The authors share several examples of 3rd gear activities:
- “Lunch with Colleagues—Conversations that are not dominated by work projects or tasks, but are a mix of humor, small talk, life, and a bit of work.
- “Weekend Party—Time with friends or family around the pool, or a relaxed, casual barbeque with neighbors or friends.
- “Round of Golf—Taking time with friends or clients to change the scenery and get to know each other better.
- “After Work Gathering—Spending time with co-workers celebrating a birthday or special event.
- “Game Night—Laughing, playing, and enjoying the company of a group of people, like your family or friends.
- “Meal with Friends or Family—Breakfast, lunch, or dinner with a close group of buddies or friends.”
The other important thing to realize?
Business happens in 3rd gear.
“Ever play company golf or take clients out to a special event or dinner?” Jeremie and Steve ask. “There is a reason why companies spend resources doing social events.”
Because business is about relationships.
Spending time outside the typical 4th- and 5th-gear activities allows you to focus on others—talking about family, history, sports, and life.
“They are observing your character,” they write, “going deeper than a one-hour meeting, and deciding whether or not they want to be around you for any length of time or do business together.”
Jeremie shares a story of playing golf with an executive from Walgreens.
“My initial thought of the guy was not bad or good,” he recalls. “Frankly, I thought the guy was a bit stiff until he pulled out his driver and began to lose golf balls.
“He lost 28! He had to borrow eight from me, but in those 18 holes we knew more about each other, laughed our heads off, and began a relationship in business that was fun and easy.”
3: The mindset that drives 3rd gear? Curiosity.
“Most of my career has been spent being curious when I meet people,” Jeremie reflects. “I have discovered this is a valuable attribute to develop where 3rd gear is concerned, because it forces you to slow down.”
Succeeding in 3rd gear is about being present and enjoying the people around you.
Learn to be interested before being interesting: “I leverage my curiosity,” he states, “by engaging the other person with questions about things that I naturally want to know more about.
Jeremie shares some questions he asks to help him connect with others:
- “Where is your hometown?”
- “Who is the most famous person from your town, or what is something unique about where you live?”
- “What do you love to do outside of your work?”
The lesson: When you engage in 3rd gear, your influence naturally increases over time.
“It is partly due to the respect that others give you because you respect them,” Jeremie and Steve write, “People are attracted to confident people, and there is a direct correlation between confidence and respectful curiosity.”
More tomorrow.
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Reflection: What’s keeping you from working hard and going deeper with people?
Action: Discuss and process the question above with someone in your life.
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