Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. On Friday, I share something about myself or what we are working on at PCI.
Summertime is my favorite time of the year. For families like ours with school-aged kids, school is out, which means there are many fewer activities and commitments.
Which means we have more time to spend with family, friends, and neighbors.
Last Friday, we looked at two ideas around connecting with others at a deeper level, from Chris Voss in his book Never Split the Difference.
Lesson #1: Begin with a discovery mindset
Lesson #2: Be Empathetic
These two lessons are all about getting our mindset right. “People tend to focus all their energies on what to say or do,” Chris suggests, “but it’s how we are (our general demeanor and delivery) that is both the easiest thing to enact and the most immediately effective mode of influence.”
Once we are in the right mindset, we can then focus on two specific ideas to have deeper and better conversations.
Lesson #3: Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions encourage reflection, deeper thinking, as well as unexpected insights and discoveries. They allow the other person to express themselves in their own words and share what they feel is most relevant or important.
The best open-ended questions often begin with How or What. Here are a few examples:
“What’s something you are passionate about right now?
“What’s a goal you’re pursuing right now?”
“What’s a challenge you’re facing?”
How did you develop your interest in [hobby or topic they mentioned]?
How did you decide to pursue a career in . . . ?
We can also use open-ended questions to focus on the feelings or thoughts underneath the statement. Examples include:
“How did that feel?”
“What was that like?”
“What did you think of it?”
“What about that is important to you?”
“What is it you really care about here?”
Lesson #4: Listen Well.
“Listening is not a passive activity,” Chris believes. “It is the most active thing one can do.”
When we listen intensely, we demonstrate empathy and show a sincere desire to understand better what the other person is experiencing.
To listen well, we must be fully present, eliminate external distractions (silence our phone and put it away), and minimize internal judgments and opinions.
Our goal is to create trust so that a real conversation can begin. We do this by seeking to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. We also look for opportunities to validate their emotions.
More next week!
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Action: Look for an opportunity today to practice today asking open-ended questions and listening well.
Reflection: What did I learn? Is there anything I’ll do differently next time?
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