1: “Joy is not, as many people believe, a frivolous or selfish emotion,” Kelly McGonigal writes in her new book Joy is a Risk Worth Taking.
“Nor is joy only possible when every aspect of life is going well.”
So, what is joy?
Kelly describes it as “the uplift you experience in moments that connect you to something that makes life worth living.” She adds, “It’s the flash of happiness, fulfillment, or relief that signals the significance of a good moment.”
Joy tells us: “This is good,” “This is why I’m here,” and “This is what life is for.”
Joy often comes with other positive emotions, including love, gratitude, hope, pride, excitement, peace, belonging, and respect.
Kelly has asked thousands of people to share recent moments of joy, “and each answer is a glimpse into how humans find pleasure and meaning in life,” she writes.
“While writing this book, I heard about an unexpected sighting of a mare with her colt in a field in São Martinho do Porto, Portugal, and street performers blowing giant bubbles in a small village in Scotland. A personal trainer in New York City retrieved his copy of the biography of James Baldwin and read me a paragraph that made him feel seen as a human being. . .
“One man told me about a conversation during which a friend shared something deeply personal with him,” she writes. “A young woman recounted singing with a stranger at an Ariana Grande concert. Another woman found joy in ikebana, a Japanese practice of flower arrangement—and especially the pleasure of using the same vase her mother used sixty years before.”
2: For twenty-five years, Kelly has studied emotions: why they exist, how they work, and how to manage them.
“For the past two decades,” she writes, “I took this functional approach and applied it to understanding human strengths, such as courage, resilience, and especially compassion, the ability to feel for and relieve another person’s suffering.
“All these capacities serve as existential resources, things that help us find meaning and hope when life is difficult.
“As I’ve worked to understand what helps people through hard times,” Kelly observes, “I’ve come to view joy as one of these existential resources.
One observation Kelly made early on in her research was that people experience joy in situations that are not always positive or happy.
“When asked to describe a recent moment of joy, people have also shared with me: Caring for a spouse sick from chemotherapy, being able to support a friend grieving the loss of her husband after having gone through the same loss, and the meaningful talks that happened while taking refuge with neighbors in a bomb shelter under the sound of air raids.”
Kelly observes: “These are not moments that people would wish for. What brought them joy wasn’t the situation they were in but the closeness they felt to others, and the sense that what they were doing had meaning.
“The circumstances of these moments weren’t ‘happy,’ but the people going through them experienced a reason for being and confirmation that life is worth living.”
All emotions have at least one function, “some problem they solve, some motivation they deliver, or some effect they have on other people when you show that emotion,” Kelly notes.
One way to understand an emotion is to look at what it does.
“How does it affect the person having that emotion? What are the consequences of expressing that emotion?
“When you put joy through these questions,” she notes, “it becomes clear that joy has three main functions.”
“First, joy affirms the value of life,” Kelly writes. “It’s often assumed that the will to live is unshakable, but most people experience periods when life is hard to face.”
A study conducted between 2020 and 2023 across thirty-one countries found that 14.7 percent of respondents struggled with the feeling that life was not worth living.
Which is why joy is so important. “Feeling that life is worth living is the fundamental consequence of any moment of joy, no matter how big or small,” Kelly writes.
When people are asked what it feels like, their answers are often life-affirming: “It feels hopeful, like life has a meaning,” “Definitely a sense that I matter,” and “A state in which I want to be alive.”
In fact, the research shows that on days when participants report feeling more joy, they more strongly agree with statements like “I have lots of reasons for living” and “I see a reason for me being here.”
Not only that, but people who report experiencing joy more often in their everyday lives also have a greater overall sense of purpose, meaning, and hope.
“Based on what joy does,” Kelly writes, “it makes sense to assume that one of the reasons this emotion exists in human nature is to bolster our enthusiasm for life.”
The second purpose of joy is to deepen social relationships. “Across cultures, feeling close to others is the most commonly mentioned cause of joy,” she shares.
You are more likely to experience joy in social situations than when alone.
“This is because just as joy affirms the value of life, it also affirms your connection with others,” Kelly explains. “Feeling joy when you are with others acts as a signal that lets you know: You are cared about, you belong, you are needed, you are not alone.”
One important distinction? “Joy doesn’t just signal closeness,” she writes. “It also brings people closer. When you share a moment of joy with someone, the emotion acts as a bonding agent. Laughing with someone increases feelings of similarity, trust, and friendship. . .
“The more frequently people experience joy together—doing something fun, enjoying each other’s company, having a meaningful conversation, or encouraging each other—the stronger their sense of closeness and mutual support.”
This benefit works for groups of people, too. “A community that experiences joy collectively, through festivities, rituals, group activities, or other gatherings, becomes more tight-knit, cooperative, and caring.”
The third and final role of joy is connected to the first two. “When life is difficult,” Kelly observes, “joy helps people maintain meaning and hope.”
“During personal crises such as health challenges, job loss, and grief, as well as collective crises, including natural disasters, violence, and political turmoil,” she writes, “moments of pleasure, meaning, and connection increase people’s ability to cope with these challenges.”
Joy helps you feel that life is worth living and reminds you that you’re not alone, two things people need when life gets tough.
“Every moment of joy,” Kelly explains, “is also a biologically consequential event that helps you recover from stress. Joy alters your brain chemistry and physiology in ways that are good for your heart, your immune system, and your mental health.”
What’s interesting is that joy’s coping and physiological benefits matter even when the causes of those feelings are small compared to the problems you face.
“This might be one of joy’s most interesting and valuable qualities as an emotion,” she notes.
“What brings you joy does not need to measure up to the size or weight of your suffering to make a difference.”
3: Together, these three functions explain why joy matters so much.
“It helps you appreciate what is good in life,” Kelly writes. “It provides hope through life’s challenges. And it strengthens the relationships that make life enjoyable and meaningful, and support us when life is difficult.”
Joy isn’t just something that happens to you. It’s something you can cultivate, even when life is difficult.
“You can improve your ability to find joy, feel joy, show joy, and share joy,” she explains. “It is possible to strengthen these capacities even if, right now, joy feels out of reach.”
You can also help others feel joy.
“Once you understand what brings people joy, you can create moments that sustain hope and meaning,” Kelly writes.
In the days ahead, you’ll discover how to experience more joy and share it with the people you love.
More tomorrow!
________________________
Reflection: When life gets difficult, do you allow yourself to experience moments of joy, or do you feel you need to wait until things get better?
Action: Notice one small moment of joy today. Pause to appreciate it, and consider sharing it with someone you care about.
What did you think of this post?
