1: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. On Friday, I share something about myself or what we are working on at PCI.
One of my goals for the year is to experiment with different approaches and tools to strengthen my relationships with the people I love and care about.
We will revisit ideas from prior RiseWithDrew posts on this topic for the next several Fridays.
Stephen Covey believes we typically seek first to be understood.
We’re either speaking or preparing to speak.
When we listen, Stephen observes, it is often with the intent to reply.
2: Our tendency is to rush in. To fix things up with advice. Stephen notes that we don’t always take the time to diagnose. To really, deeply understand the problem.
As a result, we miss opportunities to understand what’s really going on with important people in our lives.
Or, we project our own “home movies” onto other people’s behavior. We read our autobiography into what the other person is saying: “Oh, I know exactly how you feel! I went through the very same thing. Let me tell you about my experience.”
Other times, we get stuck. We want to be right. We’re filled with our rightness.
The issue, we’re convinced, is that the other person doesn’t understand what we are saying. So, we repeat it. If they still don’t get it, we get frustrated. Or angry.
3: Often, while the other person is talking, Stephen observes we’re “listening” on one of four incomplete levels:
- Ignoring
- Pretending – “Yeah, uh-huh, right…”
- Selective listening – paying attention to certain parts of what is being said
- Attentive listening – paying attention and focusing our energy on just the words being said.
Each level is better than the prior, but even level four is incomplete as we miss the feelings behind the words.
There is a better way, a fifth level of listening, which we can practice and learn to master, writes Stephen.
More next week!
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Reflection: How often do I fall into one of the levels of listening? Are there certain situations where this is likely to occur?
Action: Read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I am a BIG fan of Stephen Covey. Reading his books and implementing his ideas has improved my life significantly.
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