A powerful way to become more grateful

1: Remember the classic 1946 Frank Capra film It’s a Wonderful Life? 

George Bailey is about to jump off a bridge and end his life. 

An angel named Clarence appears. He “takes George through a spiritual tour of the world as it would have been had George never been born,” Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy write in The Gap and The Gain: The High Achiever’s Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success.

Clarence doesn’t show George all the good things in his life. Instead, by viewing “the negative impact of him never being born, George realizes just how rare and precious the good things in life actually are,” the authors note. 

What happens?

“His outlook on life instantly changes,” Dan and Ben write.

This framework is more than just the concept for one of the all-time classic movies. It can have a positive impact on our lives, too.

Psychologists have researched what happens if we imagine the absence of the good things in our lives.

They call it Mental Subtraction.

What happens when we imagine all the good things in our lives are suddenly gone?

We appreciate them more.

“The results are clear: mental subtraction is one of the most effective science-based techniques for boosting gratitude and happiness,” the authors write.

2: The research demonstrates that imagining the absence of a positive event in our lives is much more impactful than simply looking back on the positive event. 

“Likewise, imagining the absence of an important person in your life can be more powerful than simply appreciating the fact that they are in your life,” Dan and Ben note.

We experience far higher levels of relationship satisfaction when we envision never having met our spouse or romantic partner.

The mental subtraction exercise is quite simple. Begin by finding a pen. Then: “Start by mentally subtracting something important,” Dan and Ben suggest. “Select one specific thing to mentally subtract: it could be a relationship, an achievement, our health, or a possession.” 

What would life be like if we never met that person or had that experience? Or, what if this person or event was instantly taken away from us? 

Forever.

Imagine how it would feel. How would this impact our future? How would it affect others? How would life be different? 

3: This week, we’ve been looking at Dan Sullivan’s concept of the GAP and the GAIN.

We can even use this exercise to transform all the things we are in the GAP about. Perhaps we complain about our job. Imagine if we lost it. We complain about our house. Now it’s gone. 

We “get upset that our child made a mistake,” Dan and Ben write. “Now they’re gone from our lives for good.” 

Doing the mental subtraction exercise doesn’t mean we ignore the problems and challenges in our lives. 

Or “that we stop trying to make things better,” they write. “It simply means we see the possibility that we could lose the thing we are complaining or frustrated about, and then we understand the emotion that creates in us.”

More tomorrow.

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Reflection: What if, right now, I lost my good health? Or if I could no longer walk? Or I went blind? How would that feel? Now, think about an important person in my life. What if I never met that person? Or, what if that person were to die? How different would my life be? 

Action: Journal about my answers to the questions above.