1: “If you had to make one life choice, right now, to set yourself on the path to future health and happiness, what would it be?” Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz ask in The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
Would we start saving more money? Change our occupation? Decide to travel more?
Back in 2007, a group of millennials were surveyed regarding their most important life goals.
“Seventy-six percent said that becoming rich was their number one goal,” Bob and Marc write. “Fifty percent said a major goal was to become famous.”
More than ten years later, after the millennial participants had spent more time as adults, they were asked similar questions.
“Fame was now lower on the list,” the authors write, “but the top goals again included things like making money, having a successful career, and becoming debt-free.”
These types of life goals are not specific to millennials. They “extend across generations and borders,” Bob and Marc write. “In many countries, from the time they are barely old enough to speak, children are asked what they want to be when they grow up—that is, what careers they intend to pursue.” When we meet someone for the first time, one of the first questions that is typically asked is, “What do you do?”
“Success in life is often measured by title, salary, and recognition of achievement,” Bob and Marc note, “even though most of us understand that these things do not necessarily make for a happy life on their own.
“Those who manage to check off some or even all of the desired boxes,” they observe, “often find themselves on the other side of feeling much the same as before.”
2: Meanwhile, we’re peppered with non-stop messaging about what will make us happy, about what our goals should be, and about who is living life “right.”
“Ads tell us that eating this brand of yogurt will make us healthy, buying that smartphone will bring new joy to our lives, and using a special face cream will keep us young forever,” the authors suggest.
“Other messages are less explicit, woven into the fabric of daily living. If a friend buys a new car, we might wonder if a newer car would make our own life better. As we scroll social media feeds seeing only pictures of fantastic parties and sandy beaches, we might wonder if our own life is lacking in parties, lacking in beaches.”
And we send these idealized messages back out regarding our own lives. “We present our game faces, and the comparison between what we see of each other and how we feel about ourselves leaves us with the sense that we’re missing out,” Bob and Marc report.
As an old saying goes, “We are always comparing our insides to other people’s outsides.”
Which leads us to a nagging feeling that the good life is out of reach. Or doesn’t exist. Or is possible only for others.
3: But findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest in-depth longitudinal study of human life ever done, suggest otherwise.
Bob and Marc write: “Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its ties to physical health, mental health, and longevity.
“Contrary to what many people might think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don’t get us wrong; these things matter (a lot).
“But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships.
“In fact, good relationships are significant enough that if we had to take all eighty-four years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period.” So, what are the implications for us?
“If you’re going to make that one choice,” the authors write, “that single decision that could best ensure your own health and happiness, science tells us that your choice should be to cultivate warm relationships. Of all kinds. As we’ll show, it’s not a choice that we make only once, but over and over again, second by second, week by week, and year by year.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Am I surprised by the findings of the Harvard study? How might I apply the key lesson around the importance of relationships?
Action: Discuss with a family member or friend.
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