1: Looking for lighthearted conversation?
You’re unlikely to find it if you visit the Button family on New Year’s Eve.
“Our oldest daughter, Carly, is getting her doctorate in counseling psychology and is a fan of stoicism and existential psychology,” Diane Button writes in her book What Matters Most: Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living.
“Her passion inevitably leads us to deep conversations about the meaning and purpose of life, and an exploration of the age-old question, ‘Why are we here?'”
2: Sure enough, about an hour before midnight, Carly invited her family members to participate in an exercise to help choose their priorities and hopes for the coming year.
“We all looked at each other, knowing we were in for a deep personal dive, while Carly went to the kitchen and gathered some small, matching bowls,” Diane writes.
When Carly returned, she set the bowls on the table and handed out stationery and pens.
She said, “I always ask myself if my cups are full. There is my health and fitness cup, my spiritual cup, and my relationships cup. Then there’s my emotional wellness cup, my social cup, my career cup, and my financial security cup. They are all so important. I’ve recently added a new one: my peace-and-calm cup.
“Imagine these cups hold all your emotions and are guides to understanding your overall well-being.
“Which of your cups are empty…or low?” she asked.
“Which cups are overflowing or may be getting too much of your precious time and energy?
“Which cups have you not paid attention to for a long time, and which ones are full and right where they need to be?” Carly concluded.
She then played some peaceful music and gave them about 30 minutes to write their responses.
Afterward, “one by one,” Diane writes, “we shared our thoughts and self-discoveries, pausing to dig into the areas that needed some special tending this coming year.”
As Diane reflected on her priorities, she saw her cups had shifted over time.
“I considered the cups that mattered most and what I might want to change to create more balance in my life,” she notes. “I began to reflect on my answers. . . and how the fullness of each cup changed over time.”
Diane is an end-of-life doula, and the exercise prompted her to consider how the cups change as her clients are approaching death.
“The health and fitness cup might be slowly emptying,” she observes. “The spiritual cup may be filling, along with the relationship cup. Yet the social cup is often quite low. Career and maybe even financial cups become less relevant.
“Emotional wellness becomes critical,” and, Diane notes, “in those final days, the hope is that the peace and calm cup is overflowing and abundant.”
3: This process of thoughtful reflection ties into the mission of RiseWithDrew: Getting better at getting better.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. As the week concludes, we reflect on some of the life lessons from Diane’s book, What Matters Most.
One of the exercises Diane often does with her clients is the Final Checklist, which consists of 7 questions.
1: Who matters most?
2: What matters most?
3: What worries you when lying awake in bed at night?
4: What brings you joy when you are awake in the daytime?
5: What is left unsaid?
6: What is left undone?
7: What brings you comfort and peace?
Asking her clients these questions tells Diane “if they are at peace and if they have come to terms with their own definition of spirituality. They reveal what my clients still want and need to do with the precious time they have left. They tell me what is meaningful to them, and they tell me whom they love.”
The bigger point, however, is that reflecting on these questions is valuable no matter where you are in life.
“You don’t need to be dying or to have a terminal illness to contemplate them. These are questions for you to answer starting today, and on a regular basis throughout your life. You might even urgently need to consider one of them now.”
Consider using these questions as prompts for journaling, or revisit them monthly to stay attuned to what matters most and address unresolved issues.
Diane shares: “Some of my clients have said, ‘I wish I knew about the Final Checklist years ago. I would’ve lived differently, and I might have loved differently, too.’
“Sadly,” Diane says, “they cannot go back and change their lives. However, their stories have the power to change yours.”
More next week!
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Reflection: What feels unfinished or unspoken in my life right now—and why am I waiting?
Action: Choose one question from the Final Checklist and spend time writing a clear, honest answer today.
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