1: Joy does more than make you feel good.
“People who welcome joy, and who make the most of a good moment, report more positive emotions, gratitude for life, and overall happiness,”Kelly McGonigal writes in her new book Joy is a Risk Worth Taking.
The research is clear. “They feel greater social belonging and harmony and enjoy more closeness with friends and family.”
They “also experience more hope, purpose, and meaning in life,” Kelly notes.
These benefits apply to people of all ages and backgrounds.
“They are rooted in the fact,” Kelly tells us, “that you are a human being with a fundamental need to experience life as worth living.”
2: Still, many people hold back from feeling joy in their lives.
Yesterday, you learned why people sometimes resist joy.
“Some believe that feeling good inevitably leads to feeling bad,” Kelly observes. “Others worry that feeling good, or even wanting to be happy, is somehow wrong.”
When these beliefs lead you to suppress positive feelings, psychologists call the behavior “joy dampening.”
“Negative beliefs about happiness are highly correlated with the tendency to engage in these joy-dampening strategies,” Kelly writes. “And, even more important, these strategies undermine well-being.”
Research findings from across the world show that “joy dampening is linked to lower life satisfaction and overall happiness, less meaning in life, greater loneliness, less community belonging, and a reduced sense that you have something to contribute to the world,” she notes.
Other studies link joy dampening to depression, anxiety, sadness, guilt, and shame.
People who suppress the joy in their lives “don’t experience the expected benefits of positive events,” Kelly explains.
“For example, they don’t feel increased hope after getting good news. They don’t gain a boost in confidence after receiving positive feedback. And they don’t report increased feelings of closeness after a positive social interaction.”
3: But there is good news.
“The solution isn’t to convince yourself that joy is not a risk,” Kelly writes.
“Joy is a risk. There is an inherent vulnerability in caring, wanting to be happy, wanting your life to matter, and wanting to connect. There’s no getting around that.
“The solution,” she says, “is to decide that joy is a risk worth taking.”
It helps to remember that not all risks are the same.
Some risks expose you to serious harm with little potential benefit. Others involve sacrificing something important for a small chance of success.
But some risks offer meaningful rewards that make the uncertainty worthwhile.
“In these cases, you might be willing to accept the vulnerability and uncertainty because the potential upside is something you value greatly.”
Psychologists call this type of risk “positive risk-taking.”
For example, you might start a new friendship, take on a tough project, try something new, or stand up for what you believe in.
“These opportunities can trigger anxiety, self-doubt, or even dread,” Kelly writes. “They all also have the potential to pay off in meaningful ways.”
Choosing to welcome joy is a similar kind of positive risk.
“When you allow yourself to want, feel, show, and share joy, you create the possibility for increased meaning in life and the sense that life is worth living,” she observes.
“You open the door to greater belonging and closeness with others. You make it easier to maintain hope when life is hard. And you strengthen your ability to help other people experience these things as well.”
If you tend to dampen joy, the challenge is to do the opposite: Welcome positive feelings, even when doing so makes you feel vulnerable.
When things get tough, look for people and experiences that make you feel joyful.
Kelly suggests some specific risks you can take to find more happiness, meaning, hope, and connection:
- Decide that it is OK to want joy for yourself and others.
- Welcome joy as a signal that affirms the value of life and your connection with others.
- Look for and appreciate the good in life.
- Celebrate small wins and share good news.
- Savor enjoyable experiences.
- Find ways to create and enjoy meaningful moments of connection.
- Tell people what they mean to you.
- Meet other people’s happiness with the same empathy as you would their distress.
- Learn what brings you joy, and treat those things like the resources they are.
- Focus on what brings meaning and hope, even when there are reasons to despair.
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Do you ever hold back from experiencing joy because you’re afraid of being disappointed or hurt?
Action: Choose one way to welcome more joy into your life today. Celebrate a small win, savor a happy moment, or tell someone what they mean to you.
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