1: Interested in learning the secrets of life?
Searching for pure truth?
Would you like to fill your soul “with an understanding of love that knows no boundaries?” Diane Button asks in her book What Matters Most: Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living.
Answers to these questions can come from spending time with those near death.
As an end-of-life doula, Diane spends many hours with people in their final days.
She wrote her Master’s thesis on what makes life meaningful, interviewing people seventy-five and older “who felt like their lives had been fulfilling and they could die in peace, knowing they were ready.”
What has she learned?
“I learned that love matters. Relationships matter,” she explains.
“Making a difference and being kind matters.
“Faith and spiritual beliefs matter, too,” Diane writes, “adding another layer of preparation and comfort to those at the end of life.”
She also sees common themes that apply to all of us.
“Everyone I interviewed described the typical highs and lows, and the good times and not so good times that we all experience over the course of a lifetime,” she shares. “No one can avoid this.
“The secret lies in how we respond to those peaks and valleys. That’s what defines us, separates us, and makes us human.
“That’s what motivates us, inspires us, challenges us, and gives us a reason to get up every day and seek the joy and goodness that come from living a full and meaningful life.”
Those who felt they had lived a meaningful life were “not burdened with unfinished business, unhealed relationships, or anything that would keep them from feeling prepared to die, at least from an emotional standpoint,” Diane notes.
“They were ready,” she says.
Despite these examples, Diane emphasizes that this mindset remains uncommon.
“Every single one of us ends each day a little bit closer to our final day. Yet, none of us knows when it will be our turn,” Diane writes.
“It is an unknown that we live with every day, even though we may not think about it. . .
“We live each day as if the rules don’t apply to us,” she notes, “as if any of us might just be that one bizarre anomaly in the universe, the one and only person who will actually not die.
“And then,” Diane shares, “one day, we realize that is not going to be the case.”
Recognizing our mortality, however, can offer a valuable perspective.
“Much of life’s superficial and needless tasks quickly fade away,” she observes. “Your to-do list changes drastically.
“You’re forced to fit the remainder of your entire life into the remainder of your numbered days.”
This realization can spur “great remorse and powerful emotional healing,” Diane writes. Because you are “willing to peel away the outer layers to consider what matters most in the time they have remaining.”
Diane has also developed a list of simple questions she asks her clients to help them reflect on this season of life:
- Who matters most?
- What matters most?
- What worries you when lying awake in bed at night?
- What brings you joy when you are awake in the daytime?
- What is left unsaid?
- What is left undone?
- What brings you comfort and peace?
2: This reflection ties into the broader mission of RiseWithDrew: Getting better at getting better.
From Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. In recent weeks, we’ve taken time at the end of each week to reflect on life lessons from Diane’s book What Matters Most. Today marks our final post from her book.
Diane’s goal in writing her book is to challenge you to consider: “Are you wasting too much precious time, or speeding through life without pausing to ask yourself if you are experiencing joy or finding meaning?
“Are you missing the moments?”
Because how we die reflects how we live today.
“To die with gratitude, you must learn to live with gratitude,” she writes. “To die with a joyful heart, you must learn to live with a joyful heart.
“To die with a clean slate, you must learn to live with a clean slate. To die surrounded by love, you must live surrounded by love.
“To die in harmony with all beings, you must live in harmony with all beings,” Diane suggests. “To die in peace, you must learn to live in peace. To die well, you must learn to live well.”
3: Diane recommends one practice to spur this type of reflection: “I suggest you find one thing every day that strikes you as beautiful and look at it closely for a full minute. It can be the face of a grandchild, a breathtaking view, or a slice of buttered toast.
“Just soak it in,” she shares.
It’s simple. But not easy.
“This moment allows you to hit the pause button on your active life and reflect on what matters most,” Diane notes. “I’ve learned that sometimes even one minute of stillness can help shift someone’s day.
“Being still might cause you to contemplate not only what you are doing with your time but also why you are doing the things you do. Our choices become clearer when we pause to understand them. . .
“Pausing empowers us to find purpose,” she observes. “Slow down. Give yourself time to be still. Get curious about what might be waiting for you in the silence of a pause.”
“What if you could live your life in a way that invited you into this contemplative place now?” she asks.
After all, she reasons, “Why wait until you are dying to understand what makes a meaningful life? Why not start today?”
More next week!
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Reflection: Am I living today in a way that aligns with what I hope will matter most at the end of my life?
Action: Pause for one full minute today and fully notice something beautiful—a person, a moment, nature, music, food, silence, or gratitude. Let yourself truly experience it.
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