1: What’s the secret to a happy marriage?
Want to be thought of as more creative and effective at work?
Would you like to be less vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder?
Research shows there’s a simple way to increase the likelihood of these outcomes.
How? Simply increase the ratio of positive to negative emotions in your life.
“A myriad of studies show that having more positive emotions, on average, than negative emotions is highly beneficial,” Jane McGonigal writes in her book SuperBetter: The Power of Living Gamefully
- “Marriages thrive when couples rate their personal interactions as having a positive emotion ratio of 5:1,” Jane shares. What about couples who rate their interactions closer to a 1:1 ratio? They are more likely to separate or divorce.
- At work, team members who calculate their own positive emotion ratios between 3:1 and 4:1 are considered by their colleagues to be more creative and effective.
- And, “civilians exposed to missile attacks who had a baseline positive emotion ratio of 2:1 of higher were less vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder,” Jane explains.
It doesn’t stop there.
- “Cancer patients who report a positive emotion ratio of higher than 1:1 coped with stress better in a variety of ways, experiencing less depression, denial, guilt, and suicidal ideation,” Jane shares.
- Seniors who elevated their positive emotion ratio experienced less stress and suffered from fewer declines in attention and memory.
- And, “people who are suffering from clinical depression tend to report positive emotion ratios of 1:1,” she writes. “After successful treatment, their ratios typically rise to between 2:1 and 4:1.”
Wowza.
The big takeaway, according to Jane? “Think of your positive emotion ratio as a baseline you can maintain or build on. . . If you want to increase your resilience to stress and improve your chances of experiencing post-traumatic or post-ecstatic growth, simply increase your ratio.”
2: Yesterday, we looked at how we can use “powerups,” a concept from video game design, to engineer more positive emotions in our lives.
“The concept is simple enough,” Jane says. “Do little things that will give you a burst of energy, a positive emotion, social support, or motivation. . . Power-ups can be done easily, at no cost, and they never fail to make me feel at least a little bit better, no matter what else I’m thinking or feeling or battling that day.”
Power-ups can come from anywhere or anyone. You can ask your friends: “What’s something you can easily do in five minutes or less that makes you feel happier, healthier, or stronger?”
Or, simply brainstorm about your answers to the following questions:
- What song makes you feel powerful?
- What food makes you feel energized?
- Who or what helps you feel calm and relaxed?
- Is there a mantra that makes you feel more motivated?
- What physical activity energizes you?
- What reliably inspires you when you read it or watch it?
- What memory brings you great satisfaction when you recall it for thirty seconds?
- Is there something small you like to do to help others?
- What photo, video, or image always makes you smile? Is there a daily habit that makes you feel better when you remember to do it?
- Is there a place or space you can easily get to that brings you joy or comfort?
- Who is the best person to call, text, write, or visit to get a quick pick-me-up?
3: Social reflection is one of Jane’s favorite and most powerful power-ups.
It is “the king of power-ups,” she notes. “It’s the one that can boost your resilience no matter how troubled, hopeless, or uninspired you feel.”
It is inspired by the research of Dr. Bethany Kok from the Max Planck Institute.
What to do: “Shortly before you go to sleep, think about the three social interactions in which you spent the most time today,” she suggests. “They could be at home, at work, at school, at church, or in any public or social setting.
“They might be in person, on the phone, on video chat, or even just an extended conversation by email or text message.
“They could be interactions with individuals or with a larger group,” Jane writes, “such as participating in a sports practice, a discussion group, a work team, a fitness class, or a club meeting, or even just sitting in a café, theater, or hall full of other people.
“If you spent most of your time alone today, you might think of more fleeting interactions, such as with a cashier at the store or a stranger you made small talk with. . .
“They might even be three different interactions with the same person. (This often happens to me,” she explains, “when I’m working from home, and the only person I speak to or see all day is my husband!).”
Then, consider all three of your social interactions together and rate your agreement with the following two statements on a 0 to 10 scale, with 0 representing “I completely disagree with this statement” and 10 representing “I agree completely”:
- During these three social interactions, I felt close to the other person or people.
- During these social interactions, I felt “in tune” with the other person or people.
The impact of this exercise comes from repetition. The biggest impact occurs after 30 days.
Why does it work? First, “it gives you an opportunity to savor any positive interactions you had, which increases positive emotions,” Jane observes.
Second, it helps you identify potential allies for the future, increasing your social resources.
And, third, “if your social interactions were fewer or less satisfying than you’d like,” she notes, “it gives you the chance to notice that, so you can plan to be more social tomorrow.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: What consistently increases positive emotions in my life—and am I intentionally making space for more of it?
Action: Create a short list of personal “power-ups” and intentionally use at least three of them today.
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