1: “Let’s say our starting point is 1 and our goal is 30, but we only get to 22,” Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy write in The Gap and The Gain: The High Achiever’s Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success.
If we measure ourselves against our goal of 30, we are 8 short.
If this is where we choose to focus, we are in the GAP.
When we measure where we are against where we started, at 1, we see we’ve moved up 21 spots.
If we focus here, on the actual progress we’ve made, we are in the GAIN.
Dan Sullivan is the founder of the Strategic Coach, the world’s #1 entrepreneurial coaching program. Every 60-90 days, groups of entrepreneurs gather to be coached by Dan and his team. Together they work through a set of “thinking tools that allow them to reflect, strategize, and get unique and helpful perspectives for their lives and businesses,” Dan and Ben write.
In the early ’90s, Dan noticed how prevalent GAP thinking was with his highly successful clients.
And with people generally.
“He exposed the GAP as a toxic mindset that stopped people from being happy and appreciating their lives,” the authors write. “He knew that until people got out of the GAP, they’d never be as happy or successful as they could be.”
Dan’s goal is to help people escape the GAP.
“The GAP and The GAIN became one of Dan’s most crucial and transformational concepts,” the authors note.
2: Are we in the GAP?
Our “future growth and progress are based in our understanding about the difference between the two ways in which you can measure ourselves,” Dan believes.
“Against an ideal, which puts us in what I call ‘the GAP,’ and against our starting point, which puts us in ‘the GAIN,’ appreciating all that we’ve accomplished.
“We can be in the GAP “in both mundane and monumental experiences,” they write. We can “be in the GAP about getting the smaller half of a cookie. Or we can be in the GAP about our entire past—wishing our lives had been something different or better.
“The bad news? The GAP is the default setting for many of us.
“High achievers are particularly prone to being in the GAP,” Dan and Ben write. “For instance, research shows that CEOs are twice as likely to have depression than the general public. Entrepreneurs are prone to substance abuse, as well as depression and suicide. Even after some massive victory, their mind quickly goes to the next unreached achievement.”
This desire to constantly chase the next goal can bring success, but doing so does not lead to happiness.
“Many—if not most—high achievers remain unhappy,” the authors write, “and their unhappiness grows deeper and deeper with each external accomplishment.”
“The hedonic treadmill” is the phrase psychologist Dr. Michael Eysenck uses to explain this mindset. When we are on the treadmill, we work harder to be happy, but every time we achieve something, we move the goal forward.
What causes this situation?
We misunderstand the role that our ideals should play.
Ideals “are meant to provide direction, motivation, and meaning to our lives,” Dan and Ben write.
They are not meant to be the measuring stick against which we measure our progress. Because, like the horizon, they move farther away with each step we take.
“Our society has trained us to measure ourselves against our ideals, which by definition are unreachable,” Dan and Ben write. “Goals, conversely, are reachable. But our society is driven by continually inflated and unreachable ideals. And that is why we live in a consumer-driven culture. It’s why we’re keeping up with the Joneses.”
When we chase happiness outside of ourselves, we become disconnected inside. And when we are disconnected inside, we try to fill the GAP.
But it’s not just our consumer-driven mindset that is impacted.
“Even religion, which is supposed to bring people hope and healing, can be a reason people go into the GAP,” the authors write.
As one of Ben’s friends told him, “I’ve always measured myself against perfection, because that’s what I believe God can make me. And I’m never measuring up.”
3: The good news? We can escape the GAP and learn to live in the GAIN.
Co-author Ben Hardy first started learning from Dan in 2014. At that time, he was a first-year PhD student making $12,000 a year as a graduate research assistant.
“Through Dan’s teachings,” he writes, “I was able to create a seven-figure business and build a team before graduating.”
Ben has now authored four best-selling books, including Who Not How, which he co-authored with Dan.
“I’m even more excited to share The Gap and The Gain,” Ben reflects. “Having spent the past 12 years getting a PhD in psychology and reading over 1,000 books on the topic, I can say with conviction that I’ve never found a concept or framework as succinct, clear, and useful as The GAP and The GAIN.
“Within this one simple concept is a master class on positive psychology, healthy relationships, mental well-being, and high performance. Everything that psychologists know about how to create a high-functioning and successful person can be achieved using The GAP and The GAIN.”
More tomorrow.
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Reflection: How do I typically measure my progress? Do I measure where I am against my ideal? Or backward from where I started?
Action: Share the GAP and the GAIN with someone I love and care about.
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