1: “We’re always taught to look for the win-win solution, to accommodate, to be reasonable,” Chris Voss writes in his book Never Split the Difference.
We’re taught wrong.
“The traditional negotiating logic that’s drilled into us from an early age, the kind that exalts compromises, says, ‘Let’s just split the difference,'” he observes. “Then everyone’s happy.”
What does Chris think of this logic?
“No. Just, simply, no,” he notes.
“The win-win mindset pushed by so many negotiation experts is usually ineffective and often disastrous. At best, it satisfies neither side.”
Even worse?
If we use this approach with a counterpart with a “win-lose” mindset, we’re setting ourselves up to be burned.
2: Does this mean we must jettison the “cooperative, rapport-building, empathetic approach, the kind that creates a dynamic in which deals can be made?”
Of course not.
What we must do, however, is “get rid of that naïveté,” Chris suggests. “Because compromise—’splitting the difference’—can lead to terrible outcomes.”
Does this mean, at times, we won’t be able to reach a deal?
Yes. But Chris firmly believes “no deal is better than a bad deal.”
Imagine a woman who wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. The husband wants to wear brown.
What should they do? Compromise? Meet halfway? He wears one black shoe and one brown? Is that the best outcome?
Of course not.
Actually, either outcome—black or brown—would be better than the compromise.
“Next time you want to compromise, remind ourselves of those mismatched shoes,” Chris recommends.
3: Why are we so stuck on compromising if it often leads to subpar results?
“We don’t compromise because it’s right,” he writes. “We compromise because it is easy and because it saves face. We compromise in order to say that at least we got half the pie. Distilled to its essence, we compromise to be safe.
“Most people in a negotiation are driven by fear or by the desire to avoid pain. Too few are driven by their actual goals,” he notes.
Chris’s suggestion: “Don’t settle and—here’s a simple rule—never split the difference. Creative solutions are almost always preceded by some degree of risk, annoyance, confusion, and conflict. Accommodation and compromise produce none of that.
“We’ve got to embrace the hard stuff. That’s where the great deals are. And that’s what great negotiators do.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: Think back on a recent negotiation. Was my strategy to rely on compromise or splitting the difference?
Action: Discuss with a colleague.
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