1: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. On Friday, I share something about myself or what we are working on at PCI.
So, what can the FBI’s lead hostage negotiator teach us about having more and better meaningful conversations?
As it turns out, a lot!
2: In many conversations, we tend to focus on what we want to say.
Instead, Chris suggests we focus on how we say it.
“When deliberating on a negotiating strategy or approach, people tend to focus all their energies on what to say or do, but it’s how we are (our general demeanor and delivery) that is both the easiest thing to enact and the most immediately effective mode of influence,” he suggests.
We can use our voices to signal our mindset and our intention.
“When we radiate warmth and acceptance, conversations just seem to flow,” Chris notes. “When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us. Smile at someone on the street, and as a reflex they’ll smile back.”
He suggests we focus on our voice in a negotiation or important conversation.
3: Chris’s “go to” voice is positive and playful. “It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person,” Chris notes. Our “attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while we’re talking. A smile, even while talking on the phone, has the impact tonally that the other person will pick up on.”
When the other person is anxious or angry, Chris switches to what he calls his “late-night FM DJ voice.”
Here, we talk slowly and clearly. Deep. Slow. Reassuring. “The voice of calm and reason,” he writes.
When we use the late-night FM DJ voice, we message that we have everything covered.
We “can be very direct and to the point as long as we create safety by a tone of voice that says I’m okay, you’re okay, let’s figure things out.”
More next week!
Action: Experiment using a playful voice as well as a calm, reassuring voice in an upcoming meaningful conversation.
Reflection: Assess how the conversation went. How did I feel? How did the person we were talking to respond?