What is the FBI’s “most potent” negotiating tool?
1: Getting better at getting better is what RiseWithDrew is all about.
Monday through Thursday, we explore ideas from authors, thought leaders, and exemplary organizations. On Friday, I share something about myself or what we are working on at PCI.
In recent weeks, we’ve been exploring ideas and best practices to become a better negotiator, from the FBI’s lead hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, in his book Never Split the Difference.
What is the FBI’s “most potent” negotiating tool?
The open-ended question.
Exhibit one: “How am I supposed to do that?”
2: Chris explains that calibrated questions like this one not only buy time but also give the other side “the illusion of control.”
We use open-ended questions to change the tone and direction of the conversation. Instead of responding to the other person’s demands, questions like these turn the focus to solving our problems.
We don’t say “no.” Instead, we continue to ask questions.
Exhibit two: “How can I get you any money right now if I don’t even know he’s alive?”
When the other side offers rational arguments, we answer with some variation of “How am I supposed to do that?”
3: Why are open-ended questions so effective?
Because answering calibrated questions like these demands deep emotional strength.
“It’s a passive-aggressive approach,” Chris explains. “I just ask the same three or four open-ended questions over and over and over and over.”
More next week!
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Reflection: Why are open-ended questions so effective?
Action: Experiment with asking: “How am I supposed to do that?”
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