1: Imagine you’ve just been offered a promotion.

A big promotion. One that will accelerate your career and give you greater responsibility.

“And it pays enough to help soften the blow of displacement,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“That last part is important,” the authors say, “because you’ll have to move the … continue reading

1: You notice that your generally high-performing assistant regularly shows up late to meetings.

When you bring up your concern, he looks genuinely upset.

Now what?

A common mistake is downplaying your feedback by saying, “You know it’s really not that big a deal.”

A smarter approach comes from Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are … continue reading

1: Things aren’t going well between Oba and Mari.

They’re about to have a crucial conversation, one where the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run strong.

Oba: “Mari, I was wondering if we could talk about what happened on Friday night—you know, when you got home late from work and went straight to our room?”

Mari: “Oh, you mean Friday night when you were sitting on the couch … continue reading

1: Tom was at a crossroads.

He was 55 years old and had worked at the same engineering company for 17 years.

“Throughout my career I’ve faced recurring interpersonal conflicts that resulted from frequent ‘blowups,'” Tom shares in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors.

Tom took pride in getting things done, even if his approach damaged … continue reading

1: “How can I respect someone who behaves in ways I deplore?” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors ask in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“What do you do if you’re upset because another person has let you down?” they ask.

What if this behavior has happened repeatedly?

“How can you respect a person who is so poorly motivated … continue reading

1: “Respect is like air. As long as it’s present, nobody thinks about it.

“But if you take it away, it’s all that people can think about,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation,” the authors observe, “the interaction is no longer about the original … continue reading

1: Imagine having a boss who regularly fails to keep commitments.

“How could you tell the boss you don’t trust him?” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors ask in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

“Surely there’s no way to say this without him becoming defensive, right?”

Maybe.  Maybe not.

The solution is to find what the authors call a … continue reading

1: It’s Friday night.

Mari works as a project manager for a global supply chain company.  Oba is a chef.

It’s been a tough year for the couple.

“A recession triggered a restructuring in Mari’s company, and she was asked to take on additional responsibilities while downsizing her team,” Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes … continue reading

1: There are often tense moments at the beginning of a Crucial Conversation.

The stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions can get intense.

“Others are scanning your every facial tic or leg crossing for evidence of your intentions,”  Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors write in their classic book  Crucial Conversations

“Do you mean them harm? Are you out to get them?” they are … continue reading

1: Some people are total jerks.

“Deep down and all the way through,” write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and their co-authors in their classic book  Crucial Conversations.

Yep.

“But let’s be honest.  Have you ever lost your temper?” the authors ask.

“Yelled at someone in the heat of the moment?

“Interrupted someone when you just couldn’t take it anymore?

“Used your power (as a parent, boss, or … continue reading