1: Greta is two hours into an intense meeting with her top 200 leaders.
She is the CEO of a mid-sized company, and for the past 6 months, she’s been pushing to reduce costs.
The problem? Little has been accomplished to date.
“Surely people will tell her why they haven’t started cutting costs. After all, she has taken great pains to foster candor,” write Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory in their classic book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.
“Can I ask a very tough question?” one of the leaders asks hesitantly from the back of the room.
Greta nods. “This is exactly what she wants,” the authors observe, “to hear what the barriers are so that she can address them and let the cost cutting begin.”
The manager continues. Tentatively. “Greta, you’ve been asking us for six months to find ways to cut costs. I’d be lying if I said that we’ve given you much more than a lukewarm response. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you about one thing that’s making it tough for us to take this seriously.”
“Great. Fire away,” Greta responds.
“Well, while you’ve been asking us to use both sides of our paper and forgo travel, you’re having a second office built.”
Greta turns bright red. A hush falls over the room.
The manager continues, “The rumor is that the furniture alone will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Is that right?”
2: We are witnessing what the authors call “a crucial conversation:”
- The stakes are high
- Opinions vary
- Emotions run strong
“How Greta acts during the next few moments not only will set people’s attitudes toward the proposed cost-cutting initiative, but will also have a huge impact on what the other leaders think about her,” the authors write.
“Does she walk the talk of openness and honesty? Or is she a raging hypocrite—like so many of the senior executives who came before her?”
Greta’s jaw seems to tighten. She grips the lectern and lifts her right hand, her index finger pointed.
“What Greta cares most about right now is not getting results, but getting revenge,” they write. “She isn’t worried about how the company performs; she’s worried about how she appears.”
“Is that a serious question?” she seems to want to ask. “If we want to win bigger customers, we need a facility that shows some self-confidence. If you had an executive mindset, you’d understand this. Next question.”
When you are under attack, under pressure, and facing strong opinions, it’s easy to start looking for ways to win, save face, and punish others.
But that’s not what happened.
“Then Greta did something remarkable,” the authors report. “Almost as soon as her finger rose like a loaded pistol, it dropped back to her side. Her face relaxed.”
She took a deep breath and said, “You know what? We need to talk about this. I’m glad you asked the question. Thank you for taking that risk. I appreciate the trust it shows in me.”
The authors write: “She acknowledged the apparent hypocrisy in talking about cost-cutting while spending on a new office. She admitted that she did not know what the project would cost and asked someone to leave the meeting to check the numbers.
“She explained that building the office was a response to marketing’s advice to boost the company’s image and improve client confidence.
“And while Greta would use the office, it would be primarily a hosting location for marketing.
“But,” she added, “I have not managed this project as tightly as I’m asking you to manage yours. And that’s hypocritical.”
What happened next?
“A wonderfully candid exchange followed wherein various participants in the meeting expressed their views about the propriety of the project,” they explain. “In the end, they agreed to move ahead, but cut the costs by half or cancel the project entirely.
What else happened?
“Widespread support for cost cutting took off from that moment,” the authors note.
3: When the authors talked to Greta after the meeting, they asked how she was able to remain so composed while under fire.
“We want to know exactly what had been going on in your head,” they asked. “What had helped you move from embarrassment and anger to gratitude?”
“It was easy,” Greta explained. “At first I did feel attacked, and I wanted to strike back. To be honest, I wanted to put that guy in his place. He was accusing me in public, and he was wrong. . .
“That was my emotions talking,” Greta explained. “I’ve learned that when my emotions take over, the best way to get back into control is to focus on a simple question. When I feel threatened, I pause, take a breath, and ask, ‘What do I really want?’”
“And that’s when the clarity came: What I really want is for 200 managers to leave here supportive of cost cutting.”
Greta continued, “When that commitment settled inside me, it transformed the way I saw the man in the back of the room. Whereas seconds earlier he looked like an enemy, when my motive changed I could see he was the best ally I had in the room. He was the one handing me the best chance I had of dealing with the resistance I was facing. It was easy then to respond in the right way.”
The big takeaway?
“Greta taught us,” the authors write, “that a small, mental intervention—the simple act of asking a potent question—can have a powerful effect on redirecting our hearts.”
More tomorrow!
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Reflection: When emotions rise and I feel threatened, am I focused on protecting my ego—or achieving what I truly want?
Action: The next time I enter a difficult conversation, pause and ask: “What do I really want?” Then let that answer guide my response.
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